


you're gonna be my wound

by obsessive-fics (xoPrincessKayxo)



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: (Including spoilers!), Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Theatre, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, M/M, Slow Burn, more Spring Awakening references than you're gonna know what to do with
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-20
Updated: 2018-08-28
Packaged: 2019-05-09 04:46:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 22
Words: 38,187
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14709335
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xoPrincessKayxo/pseuds/obsessive-fics
Summary: Dan and Phil are cast in their university's production of Spring Awakening, as the two male leads. They hate each other. Until they don't.





	1. God, I Hope I Get It

**Author's Note:**

> I've decided to write a chaptered fic! Which is terrifying, but also really exciting, and I'm doing it around one of my favorite musicals, which always helps. Huge thank you to [yourfriendlyblogstalker](http://yourfriendlyblogstalker.tumblr.com/) for explaining that universities in the UK are very different than the ones over here  
> (Title from Word of Your Body (Reprise))  
> Updates Mondays Fridays!

Spring Awakening. They were actually doing Spring Awakening. The show that changed Dan‘s life forever when his nan took him to see it on the west end for his eighteenth birthday, that made him feel heard. And that lead to a lot of awkward silence on the way home when it became clear his nan did not know what Spring Awakening was about when she bought the tickets. But for a time there, he’d felt heard, like someone understood how frustrating it was to be looked over, to have pressure put on you, to have adults in your life that just… didn’t get it.

And now, here he was, studying law of all things. But at least the theatre was doing Spring Awakening. He put his name down on the sign up sheet and plugged in his headphones before hitting play, walking along to “Word of Your Body (Reprise),” and trying to contain his excitement.

* * *

“We never do anything different,” PJ groaned, draping himself against Phil’s lap dramatically. Phil just shook his head and pushed PJ off of him.

“We do lots of different things. We got pizza last night, we’re getting Indian tonight.”

“That’s not what I mean, and you know it. It’s our final year and we haven’t done anything exciting. Let’s… get tattoos!”

“No.”

“Piercings?”

“No.”

“Dye our hair?”

“Kind of already beat you to that,” Phil pointed out, gesturing to his (very recently) dyed hair.

“Fair… Let’s at least go for a walk, we can’t stay holed up in here for another year,” PJ said, jumping up. Phil would be more than happy to never go outside and have to interact with anyone- he preferred his method of going to the first meeting of every club, and then choosing one or two to occasionally show up to. Film club was his favorite, they just sat in the dark in silence watching movies. But PJ would never let him live it down if he didn’t at least _try_.

“Last one out has to tip the delivery guy,” he said, already heading for the door.

“No fair!” PJ called after him, but he was laughing.

*****

They were walking out of the on campus cafe when they saw it- “Auditions for Spring Awakening, Thursday at 3:00.” PJ almost dropped his coffee, he got so excited.

“That’s it!”

“What’s it?” Phil asked, looking at the poster.

“Spring Awakening! Let’s audition,” PJ replied, already digging around in his bag for a pen.

“We can’t act, Peej,” Phil pointed out, but PJ was already writing their names down.

“You act in those short films for class all the time,” PJ replied, definitely not getting what he was trying to say at all.

“That’s different.I write those, I’m in complete control,” Phil tried to explain, but it was pretty fruitless. They were doing this whether he wanted to or not.

“Well, you were gonna have to get over your control thing one way or another,” PJ said brightly, effectively ending any further discussion.

* * *

Dan barely paid attention in class the whole week leading up to the audition. He ate, slept, and breathed spring awakening. His assignments were piling up, but he couldn’t bring himself to care, at least, not yet. He’d worry about it once he had a part. His therapist was less than pleased about this, but he waved him off.

“Do you think there’s a reason you’re putting so much into this?” he’d asked Wednesday during their session.

“Because I hate law, and love theatre?”

“Then why not go for a performing arts degree?”

Dan had just done what he always did when they got onto the topic of education- shrugged and changed the subject.

And now here he was, sitting in the audience, going over the monologue he’d prepared in his head, quietly muttering the words to himself. He was going to do Moritz’s pre-suicide monologue, a good way to show his emotional range, and then sixteen bars of “Left Behind.” Melchior was his dream role- intelligent, passionate, confident to the point of destruction… But he’d be okay with Moritz too, even if his storyline hit a little too close to home.

After he felt like he was ready, Dan looked around the auditorium at the other hopefuls. He saw Louise, one of his flatmates, and good friend of his, and waved. She grinned, and ran over.

“You’re auditioning too?” she asked excitedly, sitting down in the row in front of him, “for which part?”

“Melchior, ideally. But Moritz wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world,” he told her, not wanting to let on exactly how much he wanted this.

“Well, I hope you get cast as Melchior- you’re probably the only person I’d be even remotely comfortable playing opposite.”

“You’re hoping for Wendla then?” Dan asked, relieved to not be talking about him anymore.

“Of course- she literally gets to open the whole show, with that beautiful solo? It’s every actress’s dream,” Louise sighed wistfully in reply, and Dan nodded. He’d personally rather play Martha, her song was much more effective, even if she wasn’t in all that many scenes. But he got Wendla’s appeal too. Before he could properly reply to Louise, the director stood up, and clapped her hands. She was barely five foot, even with her impressively huge afro, but she commanded the room easily. Dan was already more than excited to get the chance to work with her.

“Alright everyone, we’re going to warm up, and then you’ll each get your chance to impress me. On stage, please,” she instructed.

Everyone climbed onto the stage, ready to start. Well, almost everyone. One guy tripped on the stage, and completely wiped out. Before he could really think about it, Dan burst out laughing. Loudly. He collected himself once the guy glared at him with surprisingly expressive blue eyes, and held his hand out.

“You okay?” he asked, still laughing a little.

“Fuck off,” the guy muttered, pushing his hand away, and scrambling onto his feet. Rude. Dan shrugged, and made his way over to stand next to Louise.

“Alright, I’m Ms.Jay, and I’ll be directing this production. Let’s start with some vocal exercises, and then we’ll move on to the rest of warm up. Break a leg everyone,” Ms. Jay announced, before leading them in a series of increasingly ridiculous tongue twisters.

Dan tried to focus on warming up, but he kept getting distracted by the guy who’d fallen earlier, laughing and making faces at the friend he had standing next to him. Dan shot an unimpressed look Louise, who just shrugged and turned her attention back to Ms. Jay.

Finally, after what seemed like forever, Ms. Jay deemed them warmed up, and asked them to line up for their monologues.

Dan _hated_ this part, hated everyone watching and judging him, measuring him up, and trying to guess which part he’d get. But it was a necessary evil- he could do this. He followed everyone to the wings where they were to await their turns. One monologue, sixteen bars, and then if you were lucky, you’d get called to read a scene with someone else. He’d done this countless times, but it never got less terrifying.

“You’re gonna be great,” Louise whispered, noticing him muttering his lines to himself.

“Thanks, Lou. You too,” he whispered back, and she squeezed his hand comfortingly.

Before he knew it, Dan’s name was being called. He stepped out onto the stage, glad everyone was backstage and not in the audience where he could see them.

“Whenever you’re ready,” Ms. Jay said, and he nodded absently. He could do this- he wasn’t dan anymore, he was Moritz Stiefel, he was about to be expelled from school, and it was his job to make Ms. Jay not only believe that, but feel that, see that his world was ending. He took a deep breath, and stood center stage.

_“So, what will I say? I'll tell them all, the angels, I got drunk in the snow, and sang, and played pirates…”_

* * *

Phil had never been so nervous in his life. He spent most of the warm up trying to make PJ laugh as a distraction, but once they were lined up backstage it hit him- he was actually going to do this. He was going to stand on stage, in front of another person. He was going to be sick.

“Hey, you okay?” PJ whispered, materializing next to him.

“No! I can’t believe I let you talk me into this. I can’t do this, I can’t do this, I-”

“Hey,” PJ whispered sharply, cutting him off. “It’s just an audition. You’ll get through it, just… pretend your in front of a camera.”

“A camera?”

“Yeah! Pretend this is one of your projects for class, and you’re filming it, and this is the perfect take, okay?” PJ explained, placing a hand on his shoulder comfortingly.

“... Okay, okay, I can do that,” Phil agreed, just as his name was being called.

The audition went by in a blur. Phil was dimly aware that he was performing, reciting his monologue, and then sixteen bars of “Don’t Do Sadness,” but it was like he was already in the editing chair, watching himself. Before he knew it, Ms. Jay was nodding sagely.

“Thank you.”

He nodded and went backstage, flashing a thumbs up to PJ as he stepped on stage. The rest of solo auditions went by painfully slowly, each person analyzing how they must have done in their heads. For his part, Phil had no idea how he’d done, he just hoped he hadn’t embarrassed himself. Ms. Jay called everyone back onto stage, breaking his thought.

“Okay, I’ve decided who I’d like to see read scenes together. So first up, I want Dan to read as Melchior,” Ms. Jay started. Phil looked over to see the guy who’d laughed at him earlier smirking, looking entirely too satisfied with himself, and shook his head. Of course someone like that would get the lead role.

“And I’d like Phil to read for Moritz. Act I, Scene 4. The rest of you can sit in the audience, and we’ll go from there,” Ms. Jay continued, climbing down from the stage. Phil stood on the side of the stage, dumbfounded. What the hell just happened?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! I hope you enjoyed, and if so, let me know! 
> 
>  
> 
> [Reblog on tumblr](https://obsessive-fics.tumblr.com/post/174065071106/youre-gonna-be-my-bruise-chapter-one)


	2. What is this Feeling?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m uploading this a day early because I’m flying to Georgia for my sister’s graduation in an hour (I’m doing this on my phone in the arirport, so hopefully it works)  
> The title of this chapter is from Wicked- I’m gonna try and make each chapter title from a musical, but we’ll see how long that sticks  
> Thank you as always to [yourfriendlyblogstalker](http://yourfriendlyblogstalker.tumblr.com/) for being an amazing beta

“Okay, I want you to start from the top of the scene, and I’ll read for Frau Gabor,” Ms. Jay instructed, handing out a copy of the script to everyone.

Dan took his excitedly- he was less than thrilled to be reading with someone who clearly wasn’t taking this seriously, but he wasn’t going to let that stop him. He knew the role of Melchior front and backwards, he’d barely even need to look at the script. Still, he didn’t want to look like he was showing off, so he flipped the script to the correct page, and waited for the guy- Phil, was it? To do the same. Ms. Jay cued them in, and they started the scene.

It was all going fine- Phil wasn’t bad for someone so new, and he really knew how to channel Moritz’s anxious, jumpy energy, and Dan was doing his very best Melchior, guiding his scared friend through every confusing feeling he was having.

Dan almost thought he wouldn’t mind having to play opposite Phil- until he burst out laughing halfway through his line.

“Sorry,” Phil gigged, and started again. “Instead of merely seeing stockings now I’m plagued by labia-” Phil laughed, cutting himself off.

“What are you, twelve?” Dan snapped impatiently. This was getting ridiculous.

“Sorry, sorry, I laugh when I’m nervous, and this is kind of an awkward thing to say in front of so many people,” Phil explained, looking completely past him to Ms. Jay.

“That’s okay, I’ve got enough for now. But you’re gonna have to get over that if you’re gonna be my Moritz, okay?” Ms.Jay replied softly.

“Yes, Ms.Jay.”

“Good job, boys. Now if I could have Jimmy and Tom read for Hanschen and Ernst? Act II Scene 5,” Ms. Jay said, and the whole moment was forgotten. Well, almost.

“Can you believe how unprofessional that was?” Dan asked the minute he was in earshot of Louise.

“He was just nervous. Remember when we did _Grease_ and you kept giggling when you and Vince had to hug in that one scene?” Louise pointed out.

“I thought we were never going to mention my Vince crush ever again. I was young and foolish, and he was very straight,” Dan said shuddering.

That whole production was a painful memory, and he was sure the audience left very confused as to why Danny kept looking at Kenickie like he’d hung the moon.

“That was literally a year ago,” Louise replied, laughing, “now let’s watch everyone else audition and put together our dream cast.”

Dan and Louise watched a few more pairs audition, discussing who they thought would be cast for each role, before Louise got called on stage read for Wendla in the opening scene.

“Break a leg,” Dan whispered, squeezing her hand. She winked at him and headed out onto the stage- watching Louise act was always a joy. She completely disappeared into every role she played, but somehow you could always tell she was having the time of her life.

One of Dan’s favorite parts about doing theatre was getting to share the stage with her, and taking a little bit of her joy and energy and putting it into his own performances.

“How was that?” Louise asked, running over after her scene.

“You know you were amazing.”

“Yeah, but I like hearing you say it.”

Ms.Jay called everyone to attention, interrupting them.

“I want to thank you all for auditioning, you all did amazing work here today. No matter what happens, I want you all to keep pursuing this. If theatre is something you love, that you’re passionate about, keep going okay? That said, roles will be announced in a few days. Keep an eye on your email.” And with that, they were dismissed.

* * *

 

“Phil. Check your email,” PJ said, flinging the door open. Phil looked up from where he was absentmindedly watching an episode of Buffy on his laptop.

“What?”

“Check your email! Casting for Spring Awakening’s been announced,” PJ explained, sitting down on Phil’s bed and opening his laptop.

“Did you get a part?” Phil asked, closing his own laptop and resting his head on PJ’s shoulder.

“I haven’t looked yet. Do you want to look together?” PJ offered, opening his email.

“I can’t. Just… tell me if you got a part,” Phil replied, squeezing his eyes shut.

The thing was, he’d kind of really had fun at auditions- once he pretended he was just filming, he’d really been able to lose himself in the role. He’d been up all night reading the rest of the play, and listening to the soundtrack. The idea of being a part of that was… Amazing, if he was being honest, and he didn’t know what he would do if he’d discovered this new part of him for nothing.

“You got a part!” PJ exclaimed.

“What?” Phil asked, his eyes snapping open. There, in bold print: Moritz-Phil Lester. He’d done it! He actually got a part. He couldn’t believe it.

“What… What about you, did you get a part?” he wondered, scanning the rest of the cast list. PJ had gotten cast, as Georg.

“It’s not that big of a role, but he does get a few pretty good solos,” PJ said, shrugging.

“Did you… want a big role?” Phil asked carefully.

“Nope. This is the perfect starting point, no pressure. You, on the other hand… That’s a huge role. Do you think you’re up to it?” PJ wondered, turning so he was facing him.

“Weirdly? I think so. I mean, if Ms.Jay saw something in me during auditions, I trust her judgement,” Phil said with a shrug. In truth, he was absolutely terrified, but now that this was happening, he wanted to give it his all.

“Well, hopefully you still feel that way when you see who got cast as Melchior,” PJ answered, turning back to his laptop.

“I’m sure I’d be fine with anyone playing Melchior, as long as it’s not that jerk who laughed at me,” Phil said, shuddering at the memory. Falling down in front of everyone was humiliating enough, but someone being cruel enough to actually laugh at him? That had been the worst feeling in the world.

“It was a pretty spectacular fall,” PJ pointed out laughing.

“Shut up,” Phil replied, shoving him, and looking down at the cast list. “Oh, _no._ ”

“Told you you weren’t gonna be happy,” PJ laughed, turning his attention back to the cast list. Melchior-Dan Howell. The one thing Phil had been hoping against all hopes wouldn’t happen. Honestly, he should’ve known.

“Did you see him? He was so arrogant, he was clearly looking down on us for not being, like, professional or whatever,” Phil grumbled. He was aware he was being a little childish about this, but something about Dan just… set him on edge in a way he did not like at all.

“You can’t let him get to you. Ms.Jay clearly thinks you’re talented enough to play opposite him- show him that’s true,” PJ answered sagely, and Phil didn’t know what he’d do if he didn’t have PJ to keep him grounded.

“You know what, you’re right. I’m gonna be the best Moritz there is… In a local production… In a university production. You know what I mean. He’ll have no choice but to respect me as an actor,” Phil announced decidedly.

“You’re sure placing a lot on the opinions of this one guy,” PJ said, and then his eyes lit up in a way that almost always meant trouble. “Could it be because you-” Phil clapped a hand over PJ’s mouth, cutting him off before he could take that ridiculous thought any further.

“No. Absolutely not.”

“I mean, he is kind of your type,” PJ pointed out after Phil had taken his hand away from his mouth.

“I do not have a type,” Phil argued immediately.  

“Clara the pianist? Ryan the painter? No, you don’t go for moody artistic types at all,” PJ said, before shrieking and ducking under the pillow Phil threw at him.

“Get out. I hate you and we are no longer friends,” Phil replied, pouting, and reaching over to pick his pillow back up.

“Remember who makes your coffee every morning.”

“... Fine. I guess you can stay.”

“I thought you’d say that,” PJ said, grinning and opening up Netflix on his laptop, “Now let’s watch this foreign language film for class tomorrow.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Reblog on tumblr](https://obsessive-fics.tumblr.com/post/174253741379/youre-gonna-be-my-wound-chapter-two)


	3. Something's Coming

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to [yourfriednlyblogstalker](http://yourfriendlyblogstalker.tumblr.com/) for being a wonderful beta 
> 
> Title from West Side Story, making this chapter sound much more ominous than it actually is

It was officially the first day of rehearsal, and Dan couldn’t be more excited. He was still in shock it was even happening. He and Louise had sat down and checked their emails at the same time, and somehow they’d been cast in the lead roles. 

Now, here he was, standing on stage as Ms.Jay explained how rehearsals were going to work for the first few weeks. They’d be twice a week, and then during tech week (or hell week, as most theatre kids knew it), they’d have rehearsal every day leading up to the show. It was pretty standard stuff, and at this point, he was just ready to start. 

“At our Wednesday rehearsals, we’ll be going over the music- first lyrics, and then choreography, and then both. And on Sundays, we’ll be running scenes,” Ms.Jay continued to explain, pacing the length of the stage. She stopped in the center and clapped her hands. “Alright! Everybody ready?” 

The cast voiced their agreement, and rehearsal officially began. They were starting with the bigger group numbers, because those were the hardest to get down. Part of Dan was relieved- there was no way he wanted to rehearse his solos in front of the rest of the cast this early, especially the ones who were still strangers. But he was not excited about learning choreography at all- if he had to choose the part of musical theatre he was the worst at, it’d definitely be learning choreography. Still, it was a necessary evil. He shook himself out of his reverie, and turned his attention back to Ms.Jay. 

“Why don’t we run ‘My Junk’ first? That’s always a fun one,” Ms.Jay suggested, nodding to Amy, the pianist, a final year who was conducting the orchestra for the first time this year. Dan had been in a few productions with Amy, and he couldn’t think of anyone more deserving of this than her. 

“Okay, let’s start from the top. Louise, you ready?” Ms.Jay asked, turning to her. Louise nodded, and the music started. 

_ In the midst of this nothing, this miss of a life _

_ Still there’s this one thing, just to see you go by  _

This was one of the songs Dan didn’t have a solo in, so for the most part he sat back and listened to everyone else. They were a little rough, not quite being on the same page yet, but that would be fixed with some rehearsal time together. All the same, they didn’t sound half bad. They got to the interlude, where Hanschen’s Desdemona monologue was meant to be, and Jimmy’s hand shot up. 

“Do I have to, you know…?” he asked, turning bright red. He was certainly going to struggle playing Hanschen if he was that easily embarrassed. If there was one thing Hanschen definitely was not, it was self conscious. 

“Don’t worry, I won’t make you do that on the first day. You’re going to have to eventually though,” Ms.Jay replied pointedly, “let’s take it from Georg’s solo.” 

The music started up again, but no one was singing. 

“Peej, that’s your part,” Phil whispered, shoving him. 

“Oh! Sorry, can we go again?” PJ asked, at least having the decency to look apologetic. It took everything in Dan not to groan out loud. He couldn’t believe this is what they were working with. The music started  _ once again,  _ but this time it seemed PJ was ready. 

_ Well you’ll have to excuse me, I know it’s so off _

_ I love when you do stuff that’s rude and so wrong _

As much as it pained Dan to admit it, once he was actually paying attention, PJ wasn’t half bad. He at least had the comedic timing down, which could sometimes be the hardest part. They ran the song a few more times until it actually sounded okay, and then Ms.Jay gave them the option of learning the choreography for “My Junk,” or running another one of the songs. There was an overwhelming amount of enthusiasm for running another song, and Ms.Jay laughed. 

“We’re gonna have to get to choreography eventually. I’ll tell you what, let’s run ‘Bitch of Living’ with just the words first, and then we’ll do the choreography for that song,” she suggested, and there were murmurs of agreement all across the stage. 

“Let’s get started then.”

* * *

 

Phil was going to be sick. Of all the songs to run, they were going to do the one that started with him having a solo. And then they were going to learn choreography for it. First day of rehearsal, and it was already his worst nightmare. He just had to be ready- he’d seen how annoyed Dan looked when PJ missed his cue, and he was not about to give that guy more reasons to look down on him. He had just as much right to be here as Dan did, and he was going to prove it. 

“Alright, Phil, you ready?” Ms.Jay asked, and he nodded. He could do this, he’d be fine. The music started, and he took a deep breath. Now or never. 

_ God I dreamed there was an angel who could hear me through the wall _

_ As I cried out, like in Latin, this is so not life at all  _

They got through the entirety of the song, thankfully, without anyone missing their cues, but Ms.Jay didn’t look pleased. 

“That was… A good start. Phil, can I talk to you a minute? The rest of you, take five and go have some water.” 

Phil nodded, and jumped down off stage to stand next to her. 

“Is everything okay?” he asked worriedly. 

“You look terrified. You look like I used to when my parents made me sing in church,” Ms.Jay said, and then laughed. 

“Sorry, I’m trying, I’m just new to this, and I’m try-” Ms.Jay waved a hand, cutting him off. 

“I know you’re trying. And I know you’re new to this. I cast you, because you had the same jittery, nervous energy that’s needed to play Moritz. But in a musical, you’re acting even while you’re singing. So you can’t be Phil being forced to sing in front of people. You have to be Moritz, equal parts terrified and enthralled by all these new things happening to your body. You know what I mean?”

“I know exactly what you mean,” Phil agreed. He’d seen the other guys doing it, singing their solos completely in character, but he’d been too scared to try, too focused on not missing his cues and getting the words right. 

“You have a great voice, I want you to use it, and to enhance it- physicality is just as important,” Ms.Jay continued. 

“I will,” Phil promised. If nothing else, he was definitely going to try. He couldn’t get rid of his stage fright, but he could channel that energy, and make his performance better. 

“You can do this,” Ms.Jay said, squeezing his shoulder comfortingly. “Now, have some water, and let’s get back to work.”

* * *

Dan couldn’t believe he was doing this. Honestly, he should be appointed a saint in his next life for this one act of charity. He’d just seen how nervous and timid Phil was during rehearsal, especially when it got to learning the choreography for “Bitch of Living”. And watching anyone fall off a chair that many times was bound to elicit some pity. So after rehearsal, he walked over to where Phil and PJ were sat together on stage, laughing about something and cleared his throat.

“Can we help you?” Phil asked coldly, looking up at him.

“Look, don’t give me that. I just came over to ask if you wanted to… I don’t know, run our scenes together,” Dan muttered, looking away. God, this was such a stupid idea. He was never doing anything out of the kindness of his heart ever again. 

“He would love to!” PJ answered before Phil had a chance to respond. Phil jabbed PJ in the ribs, glaring at him. 

“Love is um… a strong word. But I guess it makes sense, right? Since we have so many scenes together. Might as well run them,” he said, shrugging, and would it kill him to have at least a little enthusiasm? Dan didn’t actually have to help him run lines at all. Honestly, he should’ve just let him suffer. But as it was. 

“Right. Well, Louise and I usually run lines Saturday afternoons if that’s okay with you.”

“Yeah. Yeah, that’s fine.” 

“They don’t lock the auditorium, so we’ll meet you here I guess,” Dan continued, and Phil nodded. 

“See you Saturday then,” he said, and it was Dan’s turn to nod. 

“Saturday,” he repeated for some ungodly reason, and then turned and walked away as quickly as possible. What the hell was  _ wrong  _ with him today? 

“What was that about?” Louise asked when he walked back over. 

“Um… I may have invited Phil to rehearse with us,” Dan explained, trying to sound as nonchalant as possible, but he could already see the gears turning in her head. 

“Do I detect a showmance?” she asked teasingly. 

“You really should watch less of those American high school tv shows,” he replied, shaking his head. 

“You didn’t say no,” Louise singsonged. 

“No, Louise, this is not a showmance. I don’t even like the guy- he’s got no respect for what we do here. But I want the show to be good, and it won’t be unless he gets some serious help,” Dan told her, but Louise just kept smiling at him knowingly. 

“Whatever you say.” 

“I hate you,” Dan grumbled, but he still opened the door for her on their way out. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! Not much longer until things actually start happening, I promise- Let me know what you thought ^_^ 
> 
>  
> 
> [Reblog on tumblr](https://obsessive-fics.tumblr.com/post/174482135046/youre-gonna-be-my-wound-chapter-three)


	4. It Takes Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprise! I've got enough prewritten to start updating more regularly, so new chapters will now go up Monday, as well as Friday  
> Title of this chapter is from Into the Woods  
> As, always thanks to yourfriendlyblogstalker for beta reading  
> Hope you enjoy!

“You have to come with me.” 

“Why would I come with you? I’m not in any of the scenes you’re gonna be running,” PJ pointed out, as Phil paced the length of their living room nervously. He was basically wearing holes in the carpet at this point, and he was fairly sure he’d looked at the same Coke stain on the carpet about eighty times in the last five minutes. 

“Because! I don’t wanna be like… outnumbered,” he tried to explain, stopping in front of the tattered university issued couch where PJ was watching tv. 

“Outnumbered?” PJ asked slowly. 

“Yeah, like, you saw him and Louise at rehearsal, always huddled in the corner together, talking about everyone,” Phil said, resuming his pacing. The longer he stood still, the less he felt like he could do this. 

“And we were what, discussing show notes the entire time?” PJ replied, giving him a look. 

“You know what I mean,” Phil said, stopping in front of him and waving his arms emphatically. When PJ just kept looking at him knowingly, he shook his head and started to pace again. “You know what, forget it. I’m not gonna go.”

“Alright, come on,” PJ said, standing up. 

“You’re coming with me?” Phil asked, a wave of relief washing over him already. 

“No. I’m gonna walk you there, and then I’m gonna sit outside in the lobby reading until you’re finished,” PJ told him, turning off the tv. It wasn’t ideal, but it did help. 

“Okay, fine. Let’s go,” Phil acquiesced, and the two headed for the auditorium. 

Dan and Louise were already on stage when they got there, which was unsurprising. He was playing the piano and they were singing “Word of Your Body.” It sounded so good they didn’t want to interrupt, so Phil and PJ just sat in the back of the auditorium and waited for them to finish. When they did, PJ jumped up clapping, startling everyone in the room. 

“How long have you been here?” Dan asked, standing up. 

“Not long. Just didn’t want to… interrupt,” Phil replied, walking over to the stage. 

“Let’s just get started. Which scene did you want to run first?” Dan asked, walking to center stage. Phil climbed up on the stage, and stood next to him, trying to look like he was thinking (he had no clue which scene he wanted to run first. How did people even decide that?). 

“I’ll just follow your lead,” he said finally, and he could see Dan and Louise sharing a look. He wished PJ was here, so he could point and go,  _ look! See, this is exactly what I meant!  _ But as it was, PJ had already ducked out. Coward. 

“Why don’t you run the ‘Touch Me’ scene?” Louise suggested. “You seemed to be having a lot of trouble with it during auditions.”

“Yeah. Yeah, okay,” Phil agreed nodding. 

“Try not to laugh this time,” Dan added, which was just completely unnecessary. Phil glared at him and opened up his script. 

“Ready whenever you get your head out of your-”

“Hey!” Louise interrupted before it could escalate into a full blown argument. They both turned their attention to her, and she smiled at them sweetly. 

“We are going to be professional, and we are going to respect each other, or I will be very upset. Understand?”

“We’d better listen to her. You do not want to see Louise upset,” Dan whispered to him, and Phil nodded quickly. 

“Okay, Louise, cue us in,” Dan called to her, and she opened up her script.  _ “Moritz Stiefel to see you.” _

_ “Moritz?” _ Dan read, and Phil was momentarily distracted by how easily he managed to sound equal parts worried and confused.

_ “Sorry I’m so late. I yanked on a jacket, ran a brush through my hair, and _ … what?” Phil asked, stopping reciting his line. Dan and Louise were looking at him like he’d just taken a sledgehammer to the stage. 

“Not to… Step on your interpretation,” Louise started to say.

“But that was crap,” Dan interrupted before she could finish. 

“What are you talking about? I barely got through the line,” Phil answered defensively. If they were just going to spend the entire time ganging up on him, maybe the extra rehearsals weren’t worth it. 

“Dan,” Louise said warningly. 

“Sorry, sorry. You’re just… you’re jumpy, yeah? You’ve been up all night, and you just ran all the way here. You’re tortured by the things you’ve discovered, and the audience needs to  _ feel that, _ ” Dan explained. There was something different about him whenever he talked about the show- less arrogant, more passionate. This was clearly something he felt strongly about, and Phil supposed he could at least try a little harder. 

“So that wasn’t it?” 

“Not even a little bit. But I did feel it at auditions- what were you thinking then?” Dan asked, and Phil shrugged. 

“Just that I’d never been so nervous in my entire life.” 

“That’s it! When we’re doing this scene, just pretend you’re coming from an audition, and it was absolutely terrifying… but also that the person running auditions was like, really hot,” Dan suggested excitedly. 

“I don’t think Ms.Jay would appreciate that,” Phil replied slowly.Ms.Jay was beautiful, with her lion’s mane of hair and golden brown skin, but she was also their director, which made her kind of motherly. 

“Not Ms.Jay. Who’s someone you think is hot, but also kind of intimidating?” Dan asked shortly. 

“... Thor?” 

“You would. Okay, let’s try it again.” 

They ran the scene again, and this time when they were done, Louise applauded. 

“That was great! That’s the exact sort of nervous energy we were talking about. Pacing back and forth like that was an excellent choice,” she complimented, and Phil looked down sheepishly. He’d just done what Dan said, tried to capture the exact feeling he’d had during auditions, and translated that to Moritz. Apparently it had worked, and he couldn’t help but feel a little proud of himself. 

“Do we want to run the rest of it then, plus the song?” Louise asked. 

“Sure, why not,” Dan and Phil answered simultaneously, and then froze. That was weird. Really weird. Dan recovered first and walked over to the piano. Phil shook his head and sat down at the piano next to him. 

“Can you play every song in the show?” Phil wondered. 

“For the most part. It helps rehearsing when I’m the one playing,” Dan explained with a shrug. 

“What else can you play?” 

Dan grinned at him wickedly, and played a singular note. 

“Noo, not the g note,” Phil cried exaggeratedly, and they both laughed. 

“Something told me you’d appreciate that,” Dan replied, laughing- it was a different laugh from when he’d made fun of Phil for falling down, more soft and joyous, and Phil found he didn’t mind it at all. 

“It’s the hair isn’t it?” Phil asked, laughing too. 

“Yeah. Perfect for Moritz, though. I imagine he would’ve listened to a lot of Muse if they were around in Germany in the 1890s,” Dan said, playing a few notes on the piano absently. 

“Then I really am the perfect person for the part,” Phil replied jokingly, and for a second there, they smiled at each other- genuinely, which was new. And then Louise cleared her throat, and whatever had been happening dissipated into thin air. 

“I hate to break this up, but we’re meant to be rehearsing, remember? Stop flirting, and let’s get back to work.” 

“We weren’t!” they answered in unison, and they really had to stop doing that. 

“Uh huh. Go on- Phil, cue the song in,” Louise instructed, officially putting them back into show mode. 

_ “Really? What it feels like… for the woman?” _ Phil recited, as Dan started to play. 

_ Where I go, When I go there _

_ No more memory anymore  _

Dan turned to Phil as he sang, smiling a little. Not maliciously, or like he was making fun of him. It was small, like they were sharing it, and it was kind of a nice smile, with dimples. Phil was so distracted he almost missed his cue, but Dan nodded at him slightly, and he remembered what he was supposed to be doing. 

_ Where I go, when I go there _

_ No more listening anymore  _

They held eye contact the majority of time they were singing, trapped together in this moment, and something about it all was making Phil feel a little lightheaded. The moment didn’t end until Louise started singing the other character’s solos for them so they didn’t lose track of where they were, and then before he knew it, they were at the end of the song. 

_ Where the winds sigh… _

_ Where the winds sigh…  _

“How was that?” Phil asked, turning to Louise instead of confronting… whatever had just happened between the two of them. Acting, he thought to himself quickly- they were just acting. It was an intimate song, one of the most intimate in the whole show, of course he was feeling… what was he feeling exactly? 

“So good! I could literally see sparks between the two of you,” Louise replied, clapping excitedly. 

“I don’t think you’re meant to see sparks between Melchior and Moritz,” Phil replied, confused. 

“Says you,” Louise said with a shrug, and Dan sent him a look Phil could somehow understand meant ‘drop it,’ so he just shrugged and stood up. 

“I should go. PJ’s probably died of boredom waiting for me out there.” 

“Next week we’ll run ‘Those You’ve Known,” Louise told him, nodding. 

“Sounds good. Um... thank you. Both of you, for helping me with this scene. I am so out of my element here,” Phil said, and it surprised him how much he really meant it. 

“Don’t mention it,” Dan replied uncomfortably at the same time Louise went, “Any time!” brightly. 

“Right. Well… Bye, then,” Phil said, climbing down off the stage. 

“Wait!” Dan called before Phil was even completely down the aisle, and he stopped and turned around, looking at him expectantly. 

“Remember to make choices for your character. You have to know them better than anyone, have to know how they’d react to things. It gets a lot easier once you do that,” Dan explained, looking down at the piano. It was decent advice, so Phil just nodded slowly. 

“Got it. See you tomorrow then,” he said, and waved one more time before leaving. 

* * *

 

“I’d call that a successful rehearsal,” Louise said after Phil had gone, reaching down to pick up her bag. “Once the two of you started playing nice.” 

“Hey, I was playing nice the whole time,” Dan argued, absentmindedly hitting a few notes on the piano. 

“Sure you were, darling. Ms.Jay’s going to love what you did with that song,” Louise said, climbing up on stage to sit next to him. 

“What are you talking about? We literally just did the song as it’s written,” Dan replied defensively. 

“Really? So all that tension was written in the script?” Louise asked teasingly. 

“What? No, there was no tension. And if you saw any, that was all between Moritz and Melchior, two completely fictional characters,” Dan answered, and he really wished his face wasn’t burning right now. Sure, there had been something different about Phil while they were singing. Something less goofy and insufferable, and more.. Soulful, a billion emotions behind stormy blue eyes. But that was acting, and for all his trouble with it, Phil was a pretty decent actor. That’s all that was… Right? 

“If you insist on being in denial, I won’t stop you. One thing’s for sure, though. This show is gonna be so fun- for me at least,” Louise said, grinning. 

“Do you want to run your solo or not?” Dan asked in lieu of dignifying that with a response, and Louise winked at him before singing the first few bars of “Mama Who Bore Me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!  
> [Reblog on tumblr](https://obsessive-fics.tumblr.com/post/174573647696/youre-gonna-be-my-wound-chapter-four)


	5. Turn it Off

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title from The Book of Mormon  
> Also a quick note: when actors are reading/reciting their lines in the show, their dialogue is in italics

Ms.Jay was absolutely beside herself with joy- or at least, Phil hoped it was joy. She’d literally jumped out of her seat the minute he and Dan had finished reading for the the “Touch Me” scene.

“Was that okay?” Dan asked from next to him.

“Okay? That was amazing! Your chemistry is palpable, it really brings another layer to the relationship between your characters. Keep it up!” Ms. Jay told them excitedly.

“Oh… thank you,” Phil said, shifting uncomfortably.

“Anytime. Okay, since this scene is going so well, I think we should do the song next, and then try the whole scene. All actors on deck please,” Ms.Jay said, turning to where the rest of the cast was sitting in the audience. Everyone stood up, and climbed onto the stage, and Ms.Jay set about positioning them.

“Okay, Melchior and Moritz, I need you at center stage,” she started, and for a moment, Phil stood frozen, before Dan rolled his eyes and tugged him by his sleeve to center stage.

“Ernst, I need you at stage left, and I need Georg and stage right,” she continued and Tom and PJ followed her direction to the opposite sides of the stage.

“Okay, now I think I want the rest of you, at least for now to kind of sit down on the edge of the stage. We’ll do entrances and exits after the choreography, but this is where you should all be for most of this number. Alright, now here’s how I want this to start…”

Ms.Jay climbed up on stage and stood in the middle of them.

“I want each of you to sing your first lines out to the audience, then while Tom is singing the first chorus, Dan, I want you to come behind Phil, and guide his hands, um...  Accordingly. Tastefully though, you know what I mean?” she asked looking between the two of them.

Phil nodded quickly, resolutely not looking at Dan- if he thought singing this song was bad, this choreography was going to be much, much worse. Ms.Jay didn’t seem to notice though, too busy explaining to the rest of the cast what they were doing during the song. Once everyone recited back to her what they were meant to do and when, Ms.Jay nodded, satisfied.

“I’m so excited! Okay, from the top!”

Dan stepped forward, fully in character, and started to sing. He was still an arrogant jerk, but Phil couldn’t help but be impressed by how easily Dan fell into his role. Phil always had to work really hard to become Moritz, to channel his nervous energy into Moritz’s jumpy anxiety, but not Dan. He just… became Melchior, effortlessly. Phil couldn’t help but envy him in that. He dimly realized he’d been staring, and turned back to the audience to sing his verse, remembering to do it in character this time.

It was all going so well, he almost forgot about what had been choreographed for the chorus until he felt Dan behind him. He watched their hands moving, too shocked to do anything but go with it, and hope he wasn’t breaking character. Dan smelled like all uni students did-like coffee and ink, but there was something else underneath, something sweet like cinnamon, and he was so incredibly, ridiculously _warm_ , Phil’s head tilted back without his permission, and he almost missed his line.

 _“Still, you must admit… with all the differing geni.. Geni..”_ he started, looking down slightly. Dan- well, Melchior- stepped next to him and smiled at him fondly.

 _“Genitalia,”_ he corrected gently.

 _“Genitalia,”_ Phil repeated, nodding quickly, _“It truly is daunting how everything might…”_

 _“Measure up?”_ Dan asked, smirking at him, _“Fit?”_

Phil made sure to look as stricken as possible, fidgeting and looking away.

 _“Not that I’m saying I myself have ever… Not that I’m saying I would want… Would ever want to not… Would ever not want,”_ he rambled nervously, wringing his hands.

 _“Moritz?”_ Dan asked concerned, reaching out for him.

 _“I have to go!”_ Phil blurted out, thanking whoever was out there that it was in the script for him to run offstage. He stood in the wings trying to collect himself. He didn’t know what was coming over him, why he’d been about ready to melt on stage just now.

He supposed it was possible it was the character he was reacting to, not the person- it would make sense that him as Moritz would fall for Melchior. Moritz was anxious, insecure, unsure, and Melchior was intelligent, passionate, everything he wanted to be. So yeah, that was it. Moritz liked Melchior, he was his best friend, and he admired him, and that had absolutely nothing to do with the way Phil felt about Dan.

He nodded to himself, satisfied, just as the music cued him to back on stage. He walked to where Dan was waiting for him center stage, and they started to sing, getting close and closer with each line.

_Touch me, all silent_

_Tell me, please, all is forgiven_

_Consume my wine_

_Consume my mind_

_I’ll tell you how, how the winds sigh_

They finished out the song with the rest of the cast, PJ doing an amazing job with all of Georg’s riffs, and they all sang the last line, standing in a straight line across the front of the stage.

“I’ve got chills! That was amazing, you guys, especially for a first run through,” Ms.Jay squealed when they were finished. Phil couldn’t help but bristle with pride a little bit at that. He liked knowing that he contributed to such a positive emotional response.

They ran the entire scene again, with the dialogue transitioning into the song, and then another few times until they got through it without anyone missing their cue or getting their lines mixed up.

“Okay, I think we’re good for that scene. Now, can I have the girls? I want you all to try reading Act I, Scene 7, the scene leading up to “The Dark I Know Well,” Ms.Jay instructed. The girls got into position on stage, and the guys went to sit in the audience to watch them rehearse.

“Not bad,” Dan told him, looking intently down at the floor.

“Thanks. Uh.. You too,” Phil answered, and Dan nodded, and went to go sit in the back of the audience. Whenever he wasn’t on stage or talking to Louise, Dan always seemed to be in the back of the auditorium on his laptop. Phil didn’t quite understand it, or why he’d noticed in the first place. He shook his head of the thought, and sat down next to PJ.

“I can’t ever do that scene again,” he groaned, sinking down into his seat.

“I know, I may have gotten a little too into it at the end there- I hope I don’t lose my voice,” PJ replied, flipping through his script.

“That’s not what I mean, I just…” he trailed off, shaking his head. He didn’t even know what he was trying to say anymore.

“Finally realized you have a thing for Dan then?” PJ asked, without even looking up.

“What? No!” Phil answered so loudly, he caused the actress playing Martha, a really nice third year named Michelle to break in the middle of her line.

“I know Martha's situation is upsetting, but let’s keep our emotional responses silent, okay?” Ms.Jay asked, giving him a look.

“Yes, Ms.Jay,” Phil replied guiltily, before hitting PJ on the shoulder for laughing at him. “I do not have a thing! I think my character might, but that’s completely different.”

“You think your character has a thing for Dan?” PJ asked, slowly, giving him a confused look.

“Not for Dan! For Melchior,” Phil clarified, and PJ just looked at him for a moment, like he was debating saying something.

“Whatever helps you sleep at night, mate,” he said, finally.

“I hate you,” Phil muttered, crossing his arms.

“Love you too,” PJ called back sweetly, and they watched the girls read through the rest of the scene.

It was already pretty good, all the girls knowing exactly when to take the scene from playful and innocent, to something much darker. And Louise was playing up Wendla’s naivety and curiosity perfectly. They read through the scene a few more times before Ms.Jay called it.

“Good job girls! We’ll take five, run ‘My Junk,’ just to make sure no one’s forgotten anything, and then I’ll let you go,” she told everyone, and the girls jumped down from the stage.

“Hey, you’re Moritz, right?” one of the girls asked walking up to him.

“On stage, yeah,” Phil replied, confused. Was it an actor thing he didn’t know about to call each other by character names?

“Sorry, I just meant… I’m Ilse- on stage. In life I’m Dodie,” she explained, holding out her hand.

“Phil,” he replied shaking it.

“Cool. I thought we should at least kind of know each other. We have that big scene in Act II, before you, you know...” Dodie trailed off, mimicking holding a gun to her face.

“Oh yeah! Well, let me know if you ever want to rehearse that scene, that song is one of my favorite in the whole show,” Phil told her. He was really excited to get started on “Don’t Do Sadness/Blue Wind.” It was such a huge character moment for Moritz, and that scene was the scene that made him feel like there was a place for him onstage, in this production. So the sooner he got to work on it, the better

“Mine too! Especially because Ilse doesn’t get to do much the rest of the show,” Dodie replied with a shrug.

“She makes an impact though,” Phil replied. Ilse’s songs were two of the most powerful moments in the entire show, and he didn’t want Dodie to feel like she was missing out because she wasn’t in more scenes.

“She does, doesn’t she? Well, I’m gonna go get water. See you around!” Dodie called, heading for the water fountain.

The rest of rehearsal went by so well, Ms.Jay let them go after only running ‘My Junk’ twice, and Phil completely forgot all of his complicated Dan/Melchior feelings, letting himself get swept up in the music instead, and he was still singing the lyrics to himself when they got back to their flat.

“Hey, Peej?” Phil said when they were leaning against the kitchen counter, passing a cereal box back and forth.

“Yeah?” PJ asked, despite having an entire mouthful of cereal.

“Thanks for signing us up for this,” he said, fully expecting PJ to laugh and say some variation of “told you so,” but PJ just grinned and clapped him on the shoulder.

“Of course. It’s our last year, better make it good right?”

Phil couldn’t argue with that, so he just grabbed another handful of cereal.

“Right.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Reblog on tumblr](https://obsessive-fics.tumblr.com/post/174682468506/youre-gonna-be-my-wound-chapter-five)


	6. Don't Do Sadness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for this chapter: Dan has a depressive episode  
> Title from Spring Awakening cause it was too perfect and I couldn't resist  
> Thank you as always to [yourfriendlyblogstalker](http://yourfriendlyblogstalker.tumblr.com/) for beta reading

The next few weeks Phil ate, slept, and breathed Spring Awakening. When he wasn’t in lecture or at the library, he was rehearsing. There were the two days a week rehearsing with the whole cast, then there were the rehearsals in the auditorium with Dan and Louise. 

He and PJ had even started going over to Dan and Louise’s flat, sitting around their rickety kitchen table, and reading through the whole script, making up funny voices for the rest of the characters. It was the best time he’d had in so long, he almost didn’t know what he’d do when it was all over. Still, the best thing to do would be to just enjoy it while it lasted. He’d worry about the rest later. 

Louise: hey, I think we’re gonna skip rehearsal tonight. Dan’s not feeling well 

Phil frowned down at his phone and texted back to ask if he was okay. 

Louise: that’s something you have to ask him about yourself. I’ll see you tomorrow x 

* * *

 

Dan hated this. He hated feeling like this. He hated that he couldn’t bring himself to get out of this tiny twin size bed, and do something,  _ anything _ . He hadn’t had anything to eat or drink all day, and it had taken great effort just to text Louise and let her know what was going on. He just lay there, staring at the ceiling. He wanted to cry, he wanted to feel something, to let all of this despair out of him, but nothing came. He sighed and rolled over. Maybe a nap would help. 

“Dan?” a voice called, knocking on the door. Louise must have let them in. What could they possibly want with him, when he was feeling so numb, so worthless? He wasn’t worth the trouble. He didn’t deserve visitors. 

“Louise said you weren’t feeling well,” Phil said, stepping inside. What the hell was he doing here? Dan had half a mind to throw something at him, but he didn’t have the energy. 

“I’m… It’s just a bad day,” he muttered instead, not turning away from the wall. He looked up above his bed at all of his posters, of various bands, video games, and of course one of Spring Awakening. These were things that brought him joy, comfort. Things he loved enough to want to look up and see them everyday. He’d stood outside in the rain for hours to get the copy of  _ Guild Wars  _ that that poster came with. But now, looking up at them? He felt nothing.

Phil didn’t say anything for a moment. Dan dimly heard him roll his desk chair over and sit down. 

“Tell me if you want me to leave,” he said, and for some reason, Dan didn’t. For some reason, he turned around. 

“What are you doing here?” 

“I had a friend that used to get like this sometimes. I used to stay with him until he felt better,” Phil explained, holding out a piece of chocolate. If he was feeling more himself, he probably would’ve laughed, but as it was.

“What happened to him?” he asked instead, taking a bite of the chocolate. He’d eventually need to eat real food, maybe have some water, but that could wait. 

“He, um…” Phil paused and looked down in a way that could only mean one thing. 

“I’m sorry,” Dan said, because that was the thing to say. He suddenly felt very guilty that he was here, and that he was feeling like this. There was no reason for it, but he couldn’t make it stop- just an endless cycle of guilt, shame, and worthlessness. He didn’t deserve this, didn’t deserve Phil sitting there, not even attempting to cheer him up the way he hated, just sitting. A physical, silent reminder he wasn’t alone in this world. He hated this so much. 

“Is it okay if I put music on?” Phil asked instead of responding, and Dan nodded. The beginning notes of “Left Behind” started to play from his phone, and Phil started to sing along softly. 

_ You fold his hands and smooth his tie _

_ You gently lift his chin _

_ Were you really so blind, and unkind to him  _

Dan didn’t even realize he was crying until Phil stopped halfway through the second verse, and looked at him, concerned. 

“Dan?”

“Just… keep going please,” he replied, and Phil nodded, touching his shoulder hesitantly before continuing. 

_ The talks you never had, the Saturdays you never spent _

_ All the “grown-up” places you never went _

_ And all of the crying you wouldn’t understand _

_ You just let him cry, “make a man out of him” _

Dan drifted off without his permission, and when he woke up again, Phil was gone. There was a plate of food and a glass of water on his desk, and it occurred to him for the first time that he really was hungry. He opened up his laptop to play “Left Behind” and sat down at his desk to eat. 

At his therapy appointment that week, he recounted everything that happened. He sat down on one of the brown cushioned chairs in Dr.Hallowell’s office, Dr.Hallowell in the other. 

Dan had been told on several occasions that he could just call him Jim, but everything about that felt weird, so he just avoided having to refer to him by name ever. 

“He just sat with me, and sang to me. And then I cried and took a nap,” Dan finished with a shrug. 

“He sounds like a really good friend,” Dr.Hallowell said, sounding impressed. He was always going on about how Dan had to utilize his support system, that he couldn’t be scared to ask for help when he needed it. He wasn’t a burden, or an inconvenience. And Dan really tried to follow that advice, but some days were harder than others. 

“Yeah, I guess so…” Dan answered, trailing off. Were they friends? They’d never once hung out outside of rehearsals- did it count as hanging out if one person was having a depressive episode? 

“Or… more than a friend?” Dr.Hallowell asked slowly, and Dan looked past him to the stack of psychology books lined up on his desk next to his computer. He’d never officially come out to Dr.Hallowell, just talked about guys and girls in quick succession, hoping he’d get the hint and they’d never have to touch the landmine that was his sexuality. And he definitely didn’t want to discuss it in relation to Phil.

“A friend,” Dan repeated, nodding. 

“And you haven’t been with anyone since your last girlfriend?” Dr.Hallowell asked.

“I really don’t want to talk about my love life right now,” Dan replied, because he was fairly sure hooking up with strangers was frowned upon as a coping mechanism. 

“Okay. What do you want to talk about?” Dr.Hallowell asked, leaning back in his chair. 

“I think I want to try going on medication,” Dan admitted finally, making eye contact for the first time since he’d come in that day.

“I can refer you to a psychiatrist who can decide what the best course of action is for that,” Dr.Hallowell told him, standing up and walking over to his desk. He typed up something on the computer, and then stood up again to walk to the printer behind his desk. He pulled out a piece of paper with the psychiatrist’s information on it and handed it to Dan. 

“I’m really proud of you.”

“Oh… thank you,” Dan said, taken aback. 

“I know it doesn’t feel like it sometimes, but you’ve come a long way since the first time I met you. Having an episode doesn’t change that,” Dr.Hallowell continued, and Dan didn’t think he’d ever been so shocked in his life. 

“Wow. I’m gonna go now before I start crying,” he said standing up. “And I know it’s like, healthy to cry and stuff, but maybe not right now. Thank you though. Again.” 

“See you next week, Dan,” Dr.Hallowell replied, smiling at him good naturedly. 

“See you next week.” 

* * *

Phil didn’t know why he was so nervous. He saw Dan all the time, especially at rehearsal. Still, he couldn’t help but be worried he’d crossed a boundary. He’d been trying to help, but intent didn’t always matter in situations like this.

Dan walked into the auditorium laughing about something with Louise. He seemed to be in an okay mood, so that was good. 

“You’re staring,” PJ pointed out next to him, and he turned away quickly. 

“Was not,” he argued immediately, turning back around. Dan and Louise walked over to sat next to them. 

“Hey guys,” Phil said, as PJ waved at them. Dan and Louise greeted them and sat down. 

“Thank you, by the way. For the other day,” Dan said, looking over at him. 

“Oh. Sure, no problem,” he answered, which was possibly the least eloquent response he’d had to anything ever. Luckily, Ms.Jay was starting rehearsal, saving him from the rest of this conversation. 

“Today, I want to do all the pair scenes. After I’ve worked with you and your partner, I want the two of you to find a spot away from the stage to rehearse. If you’re in more than one pair… we’ll cross that bridge when we get there. Alright, first up Hanschen and Ernst.” 

Jimmy and Tom climbed up onto the stage, and Ms.Jay positioned them. She gave them some direction for the scene, but ultimately left it up to them. 

“Okay. Now blow me away,” she said, walking to stand in front of the stage. 

“I hate this scene,” Phil muttered, sinking down in his seat. 

“Really? Out of everything that happens in this show?” Dan replied, with a surprised laugh. 

“Obviously there are scenes that are worse- I’d take this over the beating scene any day. This scene is just so…” Phil trailed off, trying to come up with a word to describe how he felt about the treatment of the only two queer characters in the entire show. “Stereotype-y.” 

“Stereotype-y?” Dan asked, smiling at him softly, and Phil had no idea what to do with that, so he just cleared his throat and looked down. 

“Well, yeah, it’s all played up for laughs, it’s fucked up,” Phil tried to explain, shrugging. He wasn’t communicating this well at all, but Dan seemed to understand what he meant. 

“Not when it’s done right. Like, watch this part,” Dan said, leaning into him so they didn’t disturb the actors on stage. 

_ “When we look back, thirty years from now, tonight will seem unbelievably beautiful,” _ Jimmy read, looking out into the audience, and then smiling softly at Tom. 

“See, Hanschen is a realist, Ernst is the one who’s sentimental. But in this moment, being around him? He feels like it’s okay to be a little sappy,” Dan whispered excitedly. This was clearly something he had a lot of feelings about, and Phil kind of liked listening to him talk about things he had a lot of feelings about. 

“You’re reading a lot into one line,” Phil whispered back, mostly just to get a rise out of Dan.

“It’s true! Now, this is the part people always have a problem with,” Dan continued and they went back to watching the scene. 

_ “Oh no, I... I love you, Hanschen. As I’ve never loved anyone,” _ Tom read, looking up at Jimmy, his voice wobbling with the admission. 

_ “And so you should,” _ Jimmy replied, laughing softly, before taking Tom’s hand as the music for their song started to play. 

_ Oh, I’m gonna be wounded _

_ Oh, I’m gonna be your wound  _

“See, everyone hates that line. On paper, it sounds like Hanschen is completely brushing Ernst off. But if you do it like that? The way Jimmy just did? It changes the meaning completely- he’s not brushing him off, he’s telling him that what he feels, what’s happening between them, it’s okay. It’s nothing to be ashamed of,” Dan explained, watching the scene play out in front of them wistfully. 

“That… that changes the scene a lot, actually,” Phil replied, taken aback. He’d honestly never thought about this scene beyond it making him kind of uncomfortable. 

“It’s all in how you act it,” Dan sing-songed, as self-satisfied as ever. 

“Yeah, yeah okay, Mr. I Know Everything,” Phil said, rolling his eyes, and nudging Dan’s shoulder with his own. 

“I’d say that’s pretty in character,” Dan replied laughing.

“What, being insufferable?” Phil teased, and Dan laughed so loud, Ms.Jay turned around and glared at them. 

“Oops,” Dan whispered, causing both of them to laugh again. Phil could feel PJ’s eyes on them, but he pretended not to notice. It wasn’t a big deal, they were just hanging out during rehearsal the way they always did. It was different, but it didn’t necessarily mean anything earth shattering. They were cast mates, maybe even friends, but that was it. And that was okay. It was okay. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Reblog on tumblr](https://obsessive-fics.tumblr.com/post/174789027516/youre-gonna-be-my-wound-chapter-six)


	7. Dancing on My Own

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dancing on my Own isn't technically from a musical, but they covered it on Smash, so I'm counting it  
> Thank you as always to [yourfriendklyblogstalker](http://yourfriendlyblogstalker.tumblr.com/) for being a great beta

“Okay, I’ve let this go on long enough. I think it’s time to stage a full blown intervention,” Dan said laughing. They were at Wednesday rehearsal, taking their five minute break after running the choreography to “Bitch of Living,” and he and Phil were walking towards their usual seats at the back of the auditorium. 

“What?” Phil asked, as they took their seats in the audience. 

“Your dancing. It’s awful. You might possibly be the worst dancer I’ve ever met,” Dan continued, reaching down to pick up his water bottle. 

“You’re not exactly a prima ballerina yourself,” Phil replied petulantly, crossing his arms, which just caused Dan to laugh harder. 

“Look, I’m trying to save you from breaking your legs. Which you almost do every single time we run ‘Bitch of Living,’” Dan pointed out, shrugging. 

“I hate it when you’re right, you know that?” Phil sighed, picking up his water bottle.

“I do. Hence it being my favorite past time,” Dan replied, and Phil laughed and shoved him. “Come over to mine, we’ll move the furniture out of the way, and I’ll help you  _ not  _ fall off your  chair.”

“Okay. Okay, sure,” Phil agreed after a minute.

“Oh, Louise look! Could this be the moment?” PJ asked as he and Louise walked over to sit next to them.

“No way, they’re sitting too far apart,” Louise replied in a stage whisper.  

“What are you two talking about?” Dan asked, looking up at them. Whatever it was couldn’t be good. 

“We’re placing bets on when you’ll declare your undying love for each other,” Louise told him grinning, and he really did have the worst best friend ever. He told her as much, but Louise just laughed. 

“One day you’ll thank us. So what were you actually talking about?” 

“Phil’s terrible dancing,” Dan replied laughing. 

“Hey! It’s not that bad,” Phil protested immediately, causing the rest of them to burst out in a fit of laughter. 

“It’s pretty bad. Have you ever landed correctly in your chair during ‘Bitch of Living’?”

“Remember that time he landed on the stage?” Louise aksed.

“Remember that time we were doing the roll off the chairs and he almost rolled offstage?” PJ added. That one had been pretty spectacular. Every single person in the number broke character to make sure he hadn’t broken anything. 

“I hate all of you,” Phil muttered, glaring at them.

“It’s okay, that’s why we’re going to work on it,” Dan reassured him, and very decidedly ignored the look he could feel Louise giving him.

“I guess,” Phil relented. He still sounded less than pleased, but Dan was gonna take it as a win. 

“It’ll be fun- and I won’t record you when you fall over,” he teased gently in an attempt to lighten the mood. It seemed to work, as some of the tension left Phil’s shoulders.

“Shut up,” Phil said, laughing and shoving him just as Ms.Jay called them back on stage to run the song with the lyrics this time. 

* * *

“This is so unfair. You basically get to sit down the entire number,” Phil groaned later as they moved the couch against the wall and out of the way.

“I don’t sit down the  _ entire _ number. Besides, do you know how hard it is to sit still during that song?” Dan asked, walking over to the kitchen to grab chairs. 

“I would rather sit still than jump around on a chair. I almost died earlier,” Phil replied, and they both couldn’t help but laugh a little. 

“It’s gonna be fine. I’ll be your human safety net,” Dan announced placing a chair next to him. 

“Are you sure you’re up for that? I will almost definitely fall on you at one point,” Phil said, looking absolutely terrified. Dan racked his brain for something comforting to say to make him feel better, but comforting people wasn’t exactly his strong suit. Instead, he just shrugged. 

“Just don’t break the chair- I do not want to explain that one to Louise.” 

Phil gave him a look, and then sighed. “Let’s just get this over with.” 

“Okay. Do you want to start with the places you have the most trouble?”

“I don’t even know where we’d start. Let’s just do the entire thing without music, and you stop me where I need help,” Phil suggested, and it was actually a pretty brilliant idea, so Dan nodded. 

“You want to sing so we know where we are in the song?” he asked as Phil sat down to get started. 

“Yeah. Yeah, okay,” Phil agreed, and Dan counted him in so he knew when to start. It was all going relatively well, the two of them singing the lyrics, as Phil did the choreography in his chair until they got to the first chorus. 

_ It’s the bitch of living _

_ With nothing but your hand _

Phil was meant to stand up in his chair and spin around on the first line, jumping down and stomping to center stage on the second, but he spun right off the chair. Without really thinking about it, Dan ran forward and caught him before he could completely wipe out. 

“Thanks,” Phil breathed, looking up at him, the shock evident on his face. Phil's eyes were even more vibrant up close, flecks of green and gold disrupting the ocean of blue they usually were. Dan was aware on some level that he was staring, but he couldn’t bring himself to stop. What was happening right now? Something started to vibrate between them, snapping him out of it immediately. 

“Sorry,” they both said at the same time, and laughed. 

“My phone,” Phil explained as they detangled themselves and checked it. 

“It’s Dodie, she wants to see if we can run our scene. Do you mind if she comes over?” he asked, even though he was already typing a reply. 

“We were kind of working on something,” Dan pointed out, suddenly really annoyed. Here he was, taking time out of his day to help Phil where he so desperately needed it, and Phil was blowing him off without even a thank you. Well, he wasn’t actually blowing him off, it just… felt like it for some reason.  

“I can tell her no if you need me to, Dan,” Phil replied, giving him a confused look, and Dan realized how ridiculous he was being. He just… Didn’t like having his plans altered, that was all. Dodie was a perfectly nice person, and her and Phil’s scene was one of the most important emotional beats in the whole show. Of course she could come over. 

“She can come over. But you’re not getting out of the dancing part of this,” Dan said finally when he realized he’d just been standing there frowning at the wall. 

“Wouldn’t dream of it. Hope you’re prepared to catch me. A lot,” Phil replied, texting Dodie back, and sitting down in the chair again. They managed to run the entire song a few times, and besides Phil managing to roll backwards into his chair instead of off it, it actually went pretty well. 

“That was really good!” Dan said after they finished the last run through, “you’ve just gotta stop overthinking it.” 

“I know, I know. Who would’ve thought worrying about falling was what was causing me to fall?” Phil asked, just as they were interrupted by a knock on the door. 

“I’ll get it,” Dan told him, and went to go let Dodie in. 

“Hey Dan! Thanks for letting us rehearse here,” Dodie said brightly, waving at him. 

“Uh… Sure,” Dan answered stepping aside and closing the door behind him. “Phil’s in the living room.” 

* * *

“Do you think Dan was being weird earlier?” Phil asked as he walked Dodie back to her flat after they’d finished rehearsing.

“He was kind of pouty,” Dodie replied, shrugging. 

Rehearsal had been going really well. Dodie was hugely dedicated, and already offbook, so for the most part Phil had been following her lead. They had run the majority of the scene, up until Ilse’s exit before Moritz's monologue, and were about to run the song, when Phil figured they should get a third opinion on how it was going. 

“Dan, how was that?” he’d asked, looking over to where Dan had his head buried in his laptop. 

“Fine,” Dan muttered, without looking up. 

“Dan,” Phil said again, crossing his arms. Dan was always going on about how important this was, giving him advice he didn’t ask for, and now that he actually wanted Dan’s input on something, he was being completely indifferent. 

“Fine. Just run it again, I wasn’t watching,” Dan replied, looking up. Phil opened his mouth to argue, to point out that he should’ve been watching in the first place, but Dodie broke in before he could. 

“We could always use more practice,” she said gently, and he could tell she was trying to avoid a fight, so he relented. 

“Fine. Are you watching this time?” Phil asked, turning to Dan, who made a big show of closing his laptop. 

“You have my undivided attention,” he said, and the two of them glared at each other until Dodie spoke up, reminding them of her presence. 

“Phil, your line is first.” 

“Right, sorry,” Phil said, and then opened up his script. He couldn’t worry about Dan and his passive aggressiveness right now. He had to become Moritz, and Moritz had way bigger things to worry about than brown eyed boys that caught you in their arms one minute, and were cold and distant the next. Not that he cared. At all. 

_ “Good night, Ilse,”  _ he recited, sounding as dejected as he could. 

_ “Good night?”  _ Dodie as Ilse asked, looking up at him, equal parts hurt and confused. 

_ “Virgil, the equations… Remember?”  _ he replied, looking away, barely believing what he was saying himself. 

_ “Just for an hour,”  _ Dodie pleaded, placing her hands on his chest. 

_ “I can’t,” _ he said, placing his hands over hers. 

_ “Well, walk me at least,”  _ Dodie replied lightly, smiling up at him. 

_ “Honestly, I wish I could,”  _ he said sadly, gently moving her hands back to her sides. Dodie let the smile drop from her face, replacing it with a glare. 

_ “You know, by the time you finally wake up, I’ll be lying on some trash heap.” _

“How was it that time?” Phil asked, turning to Dan. 

“It was good. You guys have good chemistry,” Dan told them, but he didn’t sound happy about it. Weren’t Moritz and Ilse supposed to have chemistry? Ultimately making his suicide all the more tragic? He’d have to read over the scene again.

“Thanks!” Dodie said, completely missing the change in Dan’s tone, and when had Phil started noticing the changes in Dan’s tone? He shook himself of the thought. 

“You must be tired. I think we’re good for today, right, Dodie?” Phil asked, turning to her, and she nodded. 

“I think Ms.Jay’s really going to love what we did with this scene. Good night, Dan,” she said, picking up her bag and putting the script inside. 

“Good night, guys.” 

Phil waited until Dodie was at the door, and then turned to Dan. 

“Are you sure you’re okay? You’re not..?” he trailed off, not wanting to ask the question out right. 

“No, Phil, I’m not having an episode. Jesus, I can’t believe you’d even ask me that,” Dan replied, sounding annoyed, and that had definitely been the wrong question to ask.

“I’m sorry, I just- I know that scene is a lot, and if it was to much for you-”

“I wouldn’t be doing the show if I couldn’t handle it,” Dan huffed cutting him off, and Phil nodded. Of course he wouldn’t. Dan knew his limits, he didn’t need Phil checking in on him. 

“Right. Well, good night, Dan.” 

“Good night, Phil.” 

And then he and Dodie had left, laughing and singing their duet together, but a part of Phil’s mind couldn’t help but wander to Dan. He hoped he was okay. 

“Earth to Phil,” Dodie called from next to him, waving a hand in his face. 

“Sorry, I’m a little distracted,” he told her. 

“It’s all good. This is my flat though- see you tomorrow?” Dodie replied, and he suddenly felt very bad he hadn’t been a more present… walking companion? 

“I’m sure Dan’ll be okay. If you’re that worried, just text him. Good night, Phil,” Dodie said, patting his arm good naturedly, and walking up to her door. 

“Good night,” he called back, and then headed in the direction of his own flat. It had been a long and confusing day, and the only thing he could really think to do to feel better was make a cup of hot chocolate and marathon  _ Buffy.  _ And maybe call his mum. Yeah, that sounded like a plan. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Reblog on tumblr](https://obsessive-fics.tumblr.com/post/174916849436/youre-gonna-be-my-wound-chapter-seven)


	8. Oh my God I Think I Like You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again I'm cheating by taking the title from a musical tv show- this time it's from Crazy Ex-Girlfriend  
> Beta read by [yourfriendlyblogstalker](http://yourfriendlyblogstalker.tumblr.com/)

When they got to rehearsal Sunday, the entire cast was sat on stage in a circle, and Jimmy and Tom were sitting in the middle. 

“What’s going on?” Phil asked, climbing up onto the stage. 

“We’ve got our first showmance!” Dodie told him excitedly. 

“You guys were serious about those?” Phil asked, confused. 

“Of course! At least one happens every production,” Dodie replied, as if that were the most obvious thing in the world. 

“Well, why are we all sitting around them?” Phil asked, still pretty confused about this whole thing. 

“Because! They’re going to tell us how it happened.” 

“Just go with it,” Dan said from the other side of him. 

“So you know about this too?” he asked, and Dan laughed. 

“Of course. Though I wish someone had explained it to before I found myself in one. Jess and I were so embarrassed,” he explained, and Phil couldn’t explain why, but he really wished that didn’t mean what he thought it meant. 

“You were in one?” Phil started to ask, but Jimmy and Tom had already started telling their story, and Dodie hushed him so they could listen. 

“We were running lines at that Starbucks on Main, just huddled together in the corner booth so we didn’t disturb anyone,” Jimmy told them, though he was looking more at Tom than anyone else. 

“And Jimmy was saying how nervous he was about the kiss, cause he’s the one who has to initiate it,” Tom finished for him, and Phil turned to Dan and pretended to throw up. 

“Be nice,” Dan whispered, but Phil could tell he was trying not to laugh. 

“So Tom suggested we run the scene with the kiss, so it didn’t seem as scary when we had to do it in rehearsals or onstage,” Jimmy continued. “So we do the scene like we always do, and then I lean in and kiss him, and it’s like nothing I’ve ever felt.” 

“And then he pulls away, and instead of saying ‘Oh, God,’ which is my line, I just go ‘fuck,” Tom said, and what was it with actors and melodrama? It was just a kiss.

“And next thing we know, we’re fully making out in a crowded Starbucks- the rest is history,” Jimmy finished, kissing Tom’s cheek, causing the rest of the cast to break out into various forms of squealing, and “aww”-ing. Phil had to admit, it was kind of sweet. Jimmy and Tom’s chemistry onstage was unreal, especially with the new understanding he had of their scene. If nothing else, it was a good story to tell. 

“Well, that’s the first showmance down- who’s next?” Louise asked, looking around at everyone and grinning mischievously. 

“Obviously you and Dan,” Michelle answered, grinning back at her. 

“You guys are literally always the romantic leads- Danny and Sandy, Elphaba and Fiyero… It’s meant to be,” Tom added, and Dan and Louise burst out laughing. 

“He wishes,” Louise replied, leaning over to kiss him on the cheek.

“Yeah, you guys are seriously mistaken- Louise is way out of my league,” Dan said, laughing, his face turning bright red, and something about all of this was starting to make Phil feel  _ very  _ closed in. He jumped up and ran out of the auditorium without a word. 

There was a bathroom in the lobby, and he stood at one of the sinks trying to collect himself. What the fuck? What the actual fuck had just happened? He’d probably made a scene, and for what? A harmless joke about Dan and Louise dating? 

The more he thought about it though, the more he realized he hadn’t actually know Dan and Louise that long. They had a whole history he didn’t know about… Did it mean something they were constantly being cast as the romantic leads? Did he care? No. He didn’t. Why would he? Unless… 

“Phil?” PJ called, walking in, “are you okay?” 

Phil shook his head and splashed some water on his face. He was fine, everything was fine. He told PJ as much when he leaned against the sink next to him. 

“Really? Cause it looked to me like you got jealous and stormed out,” PJ said, giving him that same knowing look he was always giving him. Phil wished he knew how to make that stupid look go away. Sometimes someone knowing you better than you knew yourself was nothing more than a nuisance. 

“I did not,” Phil protested, more out of habit than anything else. 

“Let’s take stock of your feelings. When everyone started talking about how Dan and Louise are like, meant to be or whatever, how did you feel?” PJ asked, watching as Phil started to pace. 

He looked down at the tiled floor, trying to think. How did he feel? Right now, he was feeling like someone should really mop this floor. He said as much to PJ, who just shot him a look and waited for him to confront his feelings. 

“Fine, fine. I felt… queasy? Unhappy? I don’t know,” Phil said, shaking his head. 

“It upset you. Why?” PJ asked, as Phil resumed his pacing. 

“I don’t know why,” Phil replied, even though at this point, he was pretty sure he did. 

“You do know why. Just… admit it to yourself so we can get out of here. This place is gross,” PJ said, moving away from the sink and going to stand closer to the door. 

PJ really did have the patience of a saint- Phil’s response to feeling things was always ignoring them and hoping they went away, but as it turned out that was a terrible strategy. 

Like their first year when they’d kissed at a house party, and Phil’s brilliant idea had been to avoid PJ for weeks until he could stop thinking about it. He probably never would’ve gotten over that crush without PJ forcing him to confront that it was actually happening, and now, years later, their friendship was all the better for it. And now here he was again, feeling things he’d much rather not be feeling. 

Phil kept pacing to further delay the conversation, but he knew Ms.Jay was about to start rehearsal, and she did not tolerate people being late at all- “early is on time” and all that. He groaned and slumped against PJ who just laughed.

“Are you gonna make me say it?” he asked into his neck.

“Oh, I’m absolutely gonna make you say it,” PJ answered, sounding, as always, way too amused about all of this. 

“Fine… It’s possible, that on some level, I may have… developed a thing,” Phil mumbled reluctantly. 

“A thing...” PJ prompted

“For Dan.” 

“There it is! I will save all ‘I told you so’s’ for after rehearsal,” PJ teased, running a hand through his hair. 

“Have I mentioned how much I hate you?” Phil said as they detangled themselves, and left the bathroom. 

“A couple times. Now let’s get back on stage before Ms.Jay skins us alive.”

* * *

Phil was acting weird. He’d been acting weird ever since the rehearsal Jimmy and Tom announced they were together, and Dan could not for the life of him, figure out why. He’d tried asking PJ, but it was no use.

“He’s just nervous, we’re getting closer and closer to the show,” PJ had said, and then managed to disappear to the other side of the auditorium before Dan could get another word in. And it really sucked, because Dan thought he and Phil had been getting along really well lately. They even texted about things not Spring Awakening related. That was the weirdest part of this- the more they texted, the weirder Phil was the next time they saw each other in rehearsal. Dan didn’t get it at all. Rehearsal was about to start though, so he put it out of his mind. 

“Okay, boys, today I want to run Act I, Scene 6, the scene after Moritz sneaks into the headmaster’s office to find out his grade. Girls, I don’t want you to think this is a break. From now on when we’re not onstage, we’re watching to make sure the scene works,” Ms.Jay explained, and then clapped her hands in the way that meant “places now or I’m going to be very upset.” 

Dan, Phil, PJ, Tom, and Jimmy all climbed up onto stage so Ms. Jay could position them. 

“Okay, for this scene, I want you all to stand center stage, kind of in a ‘U.’ When Moritz enters, he’ll walk to the inside of it, and the same for Melchior. Sound good to everyone?” she asked, and they all voiced their agreement. 

“Brilliant! Let’s get started then. Oh, and Phil? When you hug Dan at the end, remember to hold on until the professors finish their part, okay?” Ms.Jay asked, and Phil nodded before going to stand offstage. Dan hadn’t even realized he’d just been standing there, staring, until PJ nudged him to remind him he had to be offstage too. He shook his head and walked offstage. He’d worry about it later. 

“Hey, are you okay?” Dan wondered, hoping he could get to the bottom of this before they had to make their entrances onstage. 

“Yeah, fine. Why?” Phil asked, and Dan genuinely couldn’t tell if he was actually jittery, or if he was just getting into character. The line between Phil and Phil as Moritz always got kind of blurry at times like this. 

“I don’t know, you’ve just been-” Dan started to say, but Phil was already running out onto stage. So much for that conversation. He sighed and listened out for his cue. 

_ “Melchior!”  _ Tom called out the minute he stepped onstage. 

_ “Moritz, I’ve been looking for you,”  _ he said, looking past Tom to where Phil was standing center stage. 

_ “He snuck into the headmaster’s office,”  _ PJ stage whispered, shaking his head in disapproval. 

_ “Moritz, what were you thinking?”  _ Dan asked, taking care to sound equal parts concerned and amused. 

_ “I had to, Melchi. I just had to. The good news is, I passed!”  _ Phil replied, bouncing excitedly. He was so endearing in moments like this, where he couldn’t sit still- almost like he had too much energy to keep it contained. It was… A good character choice. 

_ “The middle terms that is,” _ Jimmy said, breaking Dan’s train of thought. He inwardly shook himself and focused back on their scene. 

_ “Yes. Everything will now be determined by the final exams. Still, I know I passed. Truly, heaven must feel like this!”  _ Phil exclaimed, launching himself into Dan’s arms. Dan laughed and hugged him back, and they stayed like that as the two students playing the professors ran through their lines. It felt like they were standing there forever, just frozen in that embrace. It was a weirdly nice hug, Phil’s arms wrapped around him tightly, and it hadn’t dawned on him until now how little he hugged people this close in height to him. It was different, the way Phil’s face slotted so easily into his neck. But like… good different? He really had to stop thinking about this. 

“Um, Dan? You can let go now,” Phil said, snapping him out of it. 

“Oh. Oh, right. Sorry,” Dan replied quickly, letting him go. 

“No problem. I’m just gonna…” Phil trailed off, gesturing offstage. 

“If you boys are done, I’d like to run this scene again sometime in the next year, please,” Ms.Jay broke in in the sickeningly sweet voice that meant she was not happy right now. 

“Yes, Ms.Jay,” they answered immediately, heading offstage. Dan seriously had to get a grip. It was just a hug. A stage hug. It didn’t mean anything. He and Louise had done much more on stage, and it never made him feel like this. But the scene was starting up again, so whatever it was would have to wait. 

“Break a leg!” Phil said, grinning at him, and patting his arm before running out onstage, and Dan did his best to ignore that he could still feel Phil's hand on him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Reblog on tumblr](https://obsessive-fics.tumblr.com/post/175012403571/youre-gonna-be-my-wound-chapter-eight)


	9. No One is Alone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings this chapter for discussions of suicide and loss  
> Chapter title from Into the Woods

The show was getting closer and closer, which meant rehearsals were getting more intense. Phil was practically reciting his lines in his sleep. He said as much to Dodie, who laughed and nodded. 

“Same. It’s gotten to the point where I’m overthinking my lines… Like, when Ilse goes. ‘I’ll brush your hair and sit you on my little hobby horse,’ am I doing it right? Like, is the innuendo clear?” she asked, holding up her script. 

“I think you’re good,” Phil replied laughing. 

“Hey guys, sorry to interrupt, but Ms.Jay wants you to go over your song before rehearsal,” Amy, the final year who was conducting for this production explained, walking over to them. 

“Oh! Yeah, yeah, we’ll be right over,” Dodie said quickly, jumping out of her seat, and Amy laughed. 

“It’s okay, take your time. I’ll be at the piano,” Amy replied, smiling at her and walking over to the stage. 

“Oh my God, kill me,” Dodie groaned, slumping into her seat. 

“What’s wrong?” Phil asked, confused, “I thought you liked Amy.” 

“I do like Amy… I really like Amy. Way too much to feel okay singing in front of her,” Dodie explained, looking over to where Amy was setting up at the piano. 

“Oh! You mean you  _ like  _ Amy,” Phil replied, the realization dawning on him. 

“Shut up!” Dodie exclaimed looking around, and then turning back to him. “What are you, twelve?” 

“Sorry, sorry. Well, maybe you should ask her out,” Phil suggested, shrugging. 

“Are you insane?” Dodie exclaimed, looking horrified. 

“What? What’s the worst that could happen?” Phil asked, and Dodie gave him a look he was coming to learn meant a rant was incoming. 

“Lots of things! She could laugh in my face, I could trip and fall without ever even getting the question out, she could say no and they every rehearsal after this could be insanely awkward…” she rattled off, counting on her fingers, and Phil laughed. 

“You’re definitely overthinking this.” 

“I am not! These are all very valid concerns. Besides, I’ve… never asked someone out before,” Dodie said quietly, looking down. 

“Never?” Phil asked, and Dodie shrugged sheepishly. 

“I usually just wait for the other person to say something,” she admitted. 

“That’s all the more reason to ask her,” Phil said excitedly. “If nothing else, it’ll get you over your fear of asking.” 

“Alright, I’ll tell you what,” Dodie said after a minute, “I will ask Amy out-  _ after  _ opening night. But you have to do something that scares you too.” 

“Done. Don’t know what I’m gonna do though. Nothing scares me,” Phil said jokingly, and Dodie laughed and shoved him. 

“Come on, be serious,” she urged him.

“I mean, just doing this show has been pretty terrifying.”

“Phil! Dodie, come on, what’s taking you so long?” Amy called, interrupting them. 

“Sorry!” they called back, and headed for the stage. 

“Ms.Jay is running late, so we’re gonna start with the smaller numbers- duets, solos, until she gets here,” Amy explained to them, and Phil made a mental note to tease Dodie later about how she was hanging onto her every word. 

“We can skip your dialogue in between for now, but Ms.Jay is probably going to want to see it all, so be ready,” Amy continued, and they nodded. “Perfect. Let’s get started.” 

Amy started to play, and Phil went over the words really quickly in his head, and reminded himself that he had to sing in character. Moritz had failed, and he felt like his life was over. He’d never been taught how to handle negative emotions, leading him to jump to suicide as a response to everything. Okay, here goes. 

_ Awful sweet to be a little butterfly _

_ Just wingin’ over things, and nothing deep inside _

_ Nothin’ goin’, goin’ wild in you, you know  _

_ You’re slowin’ by the riverside or floatin’ high and blue  _

“That was really good!” Amy told him when he finished his portion of the song, “you’re getting really good at singing in character. Okay, Dodie, ready?” 

Dodie nodded, and Amy started to play again. 

_ Spring and summer _

_ Every other day _

_ Blue wind gets so sad _

Dodie’s voice was so soft and peaceful, it was easy to get swept up in it when she sang. Her delivery on this song was perfect, she really understood Ilse and what she was feeling. Phil felt lucky he got to do this song with her. 

“That was amazing, Dodie. You guys ready to do it together?” Amy asked after Dodie finished singing. The last part of this song was both of them singing their portions of it simultaneously, and it had been a complete trainwreck the first time they’d attempted it. But they’d been working really hard on it, and Phil felt like it was in a good place. Amy resumed playing the piano, and they started to sing. 

“That was amazing, you guys! So many people are going to cry during your scene,” Amy said excitedly, miming wiping a tear from her eye, and Dodie laughed. 

“Thanks,” she said, blushing and looking down. 

“Of course. Now, can you send Louise over? I want to run “Whispering” with her,” Amy requested, and Dodie nodded and gave her a thumbs up. 

“You got it!” she said, and Phil caught the exact moment she cringed. He was a good friend though, so he didn’t say anything until they were offstage and out of earshot of Amy, causing Dodie to glare at him and slap him on the arm. 

\--- 

“I’m here, I’m here!” Ms.Jay called, bursting into the auditorium. “I’m so sorry I’m late, that’s not the example I want to set for all of you.” 

On instinct, Dan turned to his right to ask Louise to place her bets on why Ms.Jay was late, but she was onstage running one of her solos. Instead, he walked over to where Phil was sitting with PJ and Dodie. 

“How’d your song go?” he asked, leaning against one of the chairs in the row in front of them. 

“Good! It went good. I mean well. It went well,” Phil rambled, looking up at him, and… blushing? That was new. Before he could really process what was happening, Ms.Jay was calling them to attention. 

“Can I have Moritz and Ilse please? I’d like to run all of Act II Scene 2, including “Don’t Do Sadness/Blue Wind.” Everyone not onstage is watching and critiquing,” Ms.Jay instructed, and then went to stand in the front row. 

“That’s me,” Phil said, standing up, and smiling at him sheepishly. 

“Break a leg,” Dan replied, smiling back. 

“You two are actually nauseating,” PJ broke in, and Phil turned to glare at him before getting up on stage. Dan took Phil’s seat next to PJ and watched Phil and Dodie get ready to run their scene. 

The scene was going perfectly well- the song sounded amazing, and Phil and Dodie really did have good chemistry on stage. It was all going perfectly, until Dodie made her exit. 

_ “For the love of God, all I had to do was say yes. Ilse? Ilse!”  _ Phil called, running back and forth onstage. He stood and waited, before looking off to the wings, resigned. Dan was on the edge of his seat- he hadn’t seen Phil do this monologue yet, and he was kind of excited to see what he’d bring to it. 

_ “So what will I say? I’ll tell them all, the angels, I got drunk in the snow, and sang, and played pirates,”  _ Phil recited, stepping forward to center stage.  _ “Yes, I’ll tell them… I’ll… I’ll tell them…”  _

“Do you need your line?” Ms.Jay asked when Phil trailed off, and looked down. 

“No, I know the line, I just…” Phil started, and then trailed off. His hands were shaking. 

“Is he okay?” Dan asked PJ worriedly. 

“I don’t know. I don’t think so,” PJ replied, sounding equally as worried. 

“I need a minute. Please,” Phil asked Ms.Jay, and she nodded. 

“We’ll take it from right here when you get back. Let me know if you need anything, okay?” she asked, and Phil nodded and hurried offstage. 

Without really thinking about it, Dan followed him. He eventually found him backstage in the props room, holding the fake gun Moritz was supposed to shoot himself with. 

“Are you okay?” he asked, sticking his head in the door. 

“You know I still don’t know what happened? Not really, anyway. His mum called me to tell me he was gone, but she didn’t… she didn’t say how,” Phil said, still looking down at the gun. 

“Does it matter?” Dan asked gently, stepping fully into the room. 

“No, I guess it doesn’t. You always think you could’ve stopped it somehow. I thought I was helping, but maybe… maybe I wasn’t trying hard enough, you know?” Phil replied, looking up at him for the first time with glassy blue eyes. 

“It wasn’t your fault,” Dan said immediately, but Phil waved him off.

“Moritz reminds me of him. The first time I read the script, I was like, ‘that’s him, that’s Zach.’ And I was so excited when I got the part, I thought I could like… do it in his memory. But standing there, in front of all of those people? Actually having to pretend I’m someone who’s going to take their own life? I couldn’t stop thinking about him, and how he must have been feeling and I just… lost it.” 

Dan was at a complete loss for words. Phil had never been that open with him- about anything. When they talked, it was always about the show, or Buffy, or a video game they both liked. This… This was uncharted territory. 

“Can I hug you?” he asked after a minute, and Phil nodded. Dan walked over and wrapped his arms around him, still trying to figure out the right thing to say here. 

“You’re thinking so loud,” Phil laughed after a minute. 

“Sorry, I just wish I could be more help. I’m not very good at things like this,” Dan admitted apologetically. 

“You’re helping a lot right now, actually,” Phil told him. He didn’t quite understand how, he was just standing here, hugging and overthinking. 

“I can do the scene. I didn’t think about how it was going to affect me, but I know now. I can do it,” Phil said, sounding determined. 

“If you’re sure,” Dan answered, letting go of him reluctantly. 

“I’m sure. Thanks, Dan,” Phil said, putting the gun back on the shelf and heading out of the room. Dan watched him go, the realization hitting him like a ton of bricks. He liked Phil. He really liked Phil. _ Fuck.  _

Back in the auditorium, Phil was delivering his monologue beautifully.

_ “Yes, I’ll tell them, I’m ready now. I’ll be an angel.”  _ Phil- as Moritz, took a deep breath, and looked down at his hand, making the shape of a gun with it. 

_ “Ten minutes ago, you could see the entire horizon. Now, only the dusk- the first few stars… So dark. So dark. So dark…”  _ he trailed off, holding his hand up to his head in the shape of a gun. 

“And blackout! Phil, that was brilliant,” Ms.Jay told him, clapping excitedly. “Are you okay to run the scene again, or do you want to wait for the next rehearsal?” 

“I can go again,” Phil told her, nodding, and Dan didn’t know if this was wishful thinking or not, but he could’ve sworn Phil smiled over at him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Reblog on tumblr](https://obsessive-fics.tumblr.com/post/175141887591/youre-gonna-be-my-wound-chapter-nine)


	10. Falling Slowly

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you as always to [yourfriendlyblogstalker](http://yourfriendlyblogstalker.tumblr.com/) for beta reading  
> Chapter title from Once

PJ, wisely, didn’t ask about Phil’s breakdown until he was nice and distracted. They were playing Mario Kart after a completely healthy dinner of pizza and hot wings when he turned to him.  

“So, you wanna tell me what happened at rehearsal?” PJ asked as they started up another round, and Phil almost forgot to hit accelerate. 

“I mean, not really,” he finally said, but he knew PJ was just asking because he’d worried him. 

“I’m not going to force you to talk about it if you don’t want to,” PJ replied, because he was a much better friend than Phil deserved right now. 

“It was just a lot, having to do that scene in front of everyone. It made me think about Zach. And how he must’ve been feeling when… You know. When,” Phil explained after a minute.

“Oh,” PJ said, taken aback. The thing was, he told PJ everything. Of course he did, he was his best friend. But when it came to grief? Phil’s solution had been to shut down and shut everyone out, including PJ. It took him a really long time to feel okay after that, to feel like he was allowed to feel anything but sadness. And even now it wasn’t something he talked about. 

“You told Dan then? About him?” PJ asked, and Phil couldn’t help but feel a little guilty. 

“Yeah. Are you mad?” 

“Why would I be mad? I know how hard it is for you to talk about that,” PJ said, pausing the game and turning to look at him. 

“I don’t know why I told him. He was just standing there, and he looked so worried..” Phil trailed off, still looking at the screen. 

“You trust him, it’s okay. You also  _ like him, _ ” PJ said teasingly, and Phil laughed and shoved him. 

“Shut up!” 

“Ooh, let’s invite him over!” PJ said excitedly, already on his phone. 

“What? No! Why would we do that?” Phil asked, reaching over and trying to get the phone from PJ, who just laughed and held it further out of reach. 

“Because you’re always texting nonstop, but you completely freeze up every time you’re in the same room. And besides, he’s already on his way over.” 

“You are the worst person in the history of the world.” 

“Really? Of everyone, I’m the worst?” PJ asked, sounding, as always, entirely too amused. 

“Statistically, right now. Yes,” Phil replied petulantly, and PJ laughed. 

“Love you too.” 

“Sorry, am I interrupting something? One of your housemates from downstairs let me in,” Dan said, standing in the doorway, and it occurred to Phil that he was literally sprawled out on top of PJ in his bed. He jumped away like he’d been burned. 

“Of course not,” PJ told him, completely unphased. “Just Phil getting his ass handed to him at Mario Kart.” 

“PJ is a giant cheater that’s all,” Phil added, and Dan gave him that soft smile he did sometimes, turning his insides to jelly. 

“If you two are done staring at each other, we were in the middle of a very close race,” PJ broke in, reminding Phil he was still there.

“I thought you wanted to run lines?” Dan asked, leaning in the doorway.

“Nah, just wanted to hangout,” PJ said, waving him in. 

“If that’s okay?” Phil asked, and Dan nodded quickly, stepping inside. 

“Yeah. Yeah, of course. I’ll play the winner,” he said, sitting down on Phil’s opposite side. PJ hit play, and Phil tried to focus on playing the game instead of how close Dann was sitting to him right now. They were basically pressed against each other from shoulder to thigh, and Phil was hyper aware of every place they were touching. 

“Earth to Phil, there’s a race going on. Join it,” PJ said, when he somehow managed to find himself in ninth place. 

“Here, you have to use this,” Dan said, placing his hand over his to hit a button on the controller, and Phil nearly dropped the controller altogether. 

“Thanks,” he managed to say, and Oh, God, he really had to calm down. He was actually thirteen years old. He was acting like a thirteen year old. It was a crush, he had a crush. He’d accepted that. Now only if he could stop making an ass out of himself, that would be great. Surely he could get through this without getting distracted by Dan’s eyes or dimples or how warm he was. 

“That was pathetic,” PJ said, after he’d taken first place and the race ended. 

“It was pretty bad,” Dan said, laughing. 

“I can’t believe you’re taking his side,” Phil replied, and maybe he was pouting a little bit, but that last round hadn’t been fair at all. 

“I’m not taking sides, I’m just saying you could benefit from some Mario Kart lessons,” Dan told him, holding his hands up. 

“Lessons? Seriously?” Phil asked, trying his best to look annoyed, but probably not succeeding. 

“Yup. We’ll start now- watch and learn,” Dan said smugly, reaching over to take the controller from him, and what he wouldn’t give to wipe that ridiculous… incredibly endearing smirk off his face. As it was, he just shrugged and surrendered the controller. 

Dan and PJ proceeded to play three rounds of Mario Kart, which as it turned out involved a lot of screaming and cursing at each other. It was fun to watch, but also kind of exhausting. 

“Can we do literally anything else now?” he asked, interrupting another of Dan’s overdramatic victory gloats. 

“Yeah, I think I’ve lost enough for today,” PJ agreed easily. 

“You guys are such sore losers,” Dan said, but he put down the controller. “What else do we wanna do?” 

“Movie?” PJ suggested, and that sounded absolutely perfect. 

“I’ll get the popcorn,” Phil suggested, jumping up. 

“He won’t watch anything without popcorn, we have to be fully stocked up on it at all times,” PJ explained to Dan, and he laughed. 

“That’s cute.” 

Instead of acknowledging that comment at all, Phil turned and headed for the kitchen. He grabbed a bag of popcorn and a bowl from the cabinet and put the popcorn in the microwave. He leaned against the counter, trying (and failing) not to replay Dan‘s words in his head. What did it mean? Cute how? Cute like a golden retriever was cute? The microwave went off, snapping him out of his thoughts, and reminding him how completely ridiculous he was being right now. He poured the popcorn into a bowl and headed back to PJ’s room. 

“Phil! Can you believe this one thought we were dating?” PJ asked the minute he stepped back into the room. 

“How did you get on that topic?” Phil wondered, sitting down on the bed in between them. 

“Just came up, I guess,” Dan replied, almost… sheepishly? 

“No, PJ remains tragically heterosexual.” 

“Hey! You never know, maybe you’re just not my type,” PJ argued, and Phil laughed. 

“Okay, okay. What are we watching?”

“A horror movie,” PJ told him excitedly. Horror was their absolute favorite movie genre, they’d made quite a few of their own for various projects over the years.

“Thriller or slasher?” Phil asked. 

“You know, sometimes I forget you’re film students. And then you say things like that,” Dan broke in, but he sounded more amused than anything else.

“Sorry,” he said laughing. 

“Anyway, Dan’s never seen  _ Psycho,  _ can you believe it?” PJ asked, turning to Phil. 

“No way- we obviously have to watch it, then. It’s a classic,” Phil told Dan as PJ set the movie up on his laptop. 

“I guess I’ll give it a try then, since you guys are so excited about it,” he replied with a shrug. 

Unsurprisingly, it didn’t take long for PJ to fall asleep. He could almost never stay awake during movies they’d already seen. Phil, who could watch a movie he really loved every single day and not get bored of it, didn’t understand that at all. 

“We’d better let him sleep. Do you want to keep watching in my room?” Phil whispered to Dan, who nodded. 

“Won’t he want his laptop back though?” 

“I know where he puts it. Come on.” 

With that, the two made their way across the hall to Phil’s room. 

“Sorry about the mess,” he said, flipping on the light. 

“You’re good. I like your  _ Kill Bill  _ poster,” Dan told him, nodding at where it was hanging on the door. 

“Thanks. I would’ve had to kick you out if you’d never seen that movie,” Phil replied jokingly, and Dan laughed. They sat down on the bed with their backs to the wall, and Phil hit play. They watched the movie in relative silence, aside from Phil spouting random behind the scenes facts he’d read.

“You really know a lot about this stuff, huh?” Dan asked, after Phil explained how they did the practical effects for the blood in the shower scene.

“Yeah- kind of like you and theatre,” Phil said, turning to him.

“God, I must be so annoying when I get like that. Feel free to tell me to shut up whenever,” Dan replied with a laugh that didn’t quite meet his eyes.

“No, I like it. You get all excited, it’s nice,” Phil assured him, and he actually turned bright red. 

“Oh… thanks.” 

“Anytime. Now pay attention, this is a really good scene,” Phil replied, turning his attention back to the screen, but he felt Dan’s eyes on him for a second longer.

Phil hadn’t even realized they’d fallen asleep until the sound of the credits woke him up. Dan was still sound asleep, his head on his shoulder. He looked so soft and peaceful like that, Phil didn't want to disturb him. Surely, it’d be okay if they slept for a few more minutes? He took another look at Dan’s serene, sleeping face, and closed his eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Reblog on tumblr](https://obsessive-fics.tumblr.com/post/175240814306/youre-gonna-be-my-wound-chapter-ten)


	11. Anything Can Happen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title from Marry Poppins

It was the last weekend before Tech Week, which could only mean one thing. A Theatre Party- Theatre Parties were different than regular parties in that they almost always ended in drama and someone getting blackout drunk. Sometimes it was the good kind of drama, otherwise not so much. 

“Do we really have to have a party?” Dan asked, watching Louise set out her colored pencils to make a very detailed plan that was going to be completely derailed once everyone found the tequila. 

“Yes! We need to bond, so we don’t all hate each other next week,” Louise answered, already writing down cocktail ideas. 

“We can bond without getting trashed at 2AM,” Dan pointed out, but it was no use. Louise had already made up her mind about this. 

“It’ll be fun. And besides, maybe you’ll finally work up the nerve to ask a certain someone out once you have some alcohol in your system,” Louise teased, poking his cheek.

“What? Who? Why would I- Why would you,” Dan spluttered, desperately trying to find a way to steer this conversation in any other direction.

“Mmhm,” Louise replied, thoroughly unconvinced, “Where were you last night?” 

“Okay, fine. I was at Phil’s. That doesn’t mean anything though! We were watching a movie, we fell asleep,” Dan replied, trying to shrug it off. That really had been all that happened, but it had also led to an insanely awkward encounter with PJ. 

When he woke up, Phil was still asleep, so he’d got up and gone to return PJ’s laptop.

“So, how’d it go?” PJ asked, grinning over at him. He was sat on his bed drawing in a sketchpad. 

“How’d what go?” Dan wondered, confused. 

“Oh, did you two not-?” 

“What? No! We fell asleep watching the movie,” Dan explained quickly, and PJ laughed. 

“No need to be so defensive. I just wanted to know if Louise owed me.” 

“Owed you?” Dan asked, even more confused. 

“You know, the bet,” PJ said, like it was the most obvious thing in the world. 

“You know, the two of you betting on us is really- wait, did you invite me over to get us to hookup?” Dan asked, the realization dawning on him, and that was just so twisted. 

“A little bit. But mostly just to get you to sit down and  _ talk  _ to each other.”

“Oh… Well, we did talk. It was nice,” Dan replied, trying (and probably failing) to hide his smile. 

“Wow, I didn’t think it was possible to turn that red. Just so you know, my bet’s on you. Get to it,” PJ said, holding his hand  out for his laptop. 

“That’s not weird or invasive at all,” Dan replied, but PJ just grinned at him, completely unabashed, before turning serious. 

“Between you and me, Phil’s not the best at talking about his feelings. So, if you want something to happen… Best not to wait around.” 

“Right,” Dan said, nodding. And then he’d left, and tried not to completely overanalyze what PJ told him. Not that he was going to tell Louise any of that right now. Besides, she was in full party-planner mode, anything he said would go in one ear and out the other. 

“We need a location. We definitely can’t have it here,” Louise mused, opening up her phone. 

“Maybe we can just… Not have it?” Dan suggested, but Louise was already clapping her hands excitedly, the way she did when she got an idea. 

“Let’s have it at Phil and PJ’s.” 

“No. Absolutely not,” Dan said immediately, shaking his head. That was such a terrible idea for so many reasons. There was a reason their housemates had decided they weren’t allowed to have any more parties there.

“Please. At least call them and ask,” Louise asked, and he really needed to learn to say no to her. But as it was. 

“Fine. I’ll call and ask. I’ve gotta go, though, I’m gonna be late for my therapy appointment,” he relented standing up. 

“You’re the best! Tell Dr. Hallowell I say hi,” Louise answered, enveloping him in a tight hug. 

“Always. See you later!” he called over his shoulder as he left. 

* * *

Phil was helping Dodie make a music video for a song she’d written when his phone rang.

“Sorry, I must’ve forgotten to put it on silent,” he apologized quickly. 

“Take it, we’ve been at this forever. We could both use a break,” Dodie replied, waving him off, and he shrugged and picked up. 

“Hey,” a voice said from the other line.

“Oh, hi Dan,” Phil greeted, putting down his camera. 

“I know this is really short notice, so feel free to say no,” Dan started and Phil rolled his eyes.

“Just ask,” he said, laughing. Whatever favor Dan needed, he’d probably say yes with no hesitation. There was no need to sound so unsure about it. 

“Louise was wondering… I was wondering… we were wondering… If we could have the party at your place,” Dan said, getting the last part out in one breath.

“Oh… Yeah, of course you can. Well, I’ll have to ask everyone else, but as long as they can have some of the booze it should be fine,” Phil replied, shrugging. He wasn’t a big party person, but he knew how important the pre-tech week party was to everyone. 

“Really?” Dan asked, sounding shocked. 

“Really. I know how important this is to you- to all of the cast,” Phil amended quickly, ignoring the entirely too excited look Dodie was giving him.

“Okay, well, I just got to the therapist’s office, so I gotta go, but... Phil?”

“Yeah?” 

“Thanks,” Dan told him softly, and he tried very hard not to make it obvious how mushy that made him feel.

“Anytime. Bye Dan.”

“That’s it, that’s the thing that scares you!” Dodie squealed the minute he hung up the phone. 

“What?” he asked, looking over at her. He’d almost forgotten she was still there. 

“You like Dan,” Dodie said, and even though it wasn’t a question, Phil shook his head immediately.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” 

“Oh, please, you should’ve seen yourself- all blushy,” Dodie teased, sitting down on the couch next to him. 

“Okay, okay, fine. Maybe a little,” Phil admitted, looking down at his phone. 

“I knew it! I can’t wait for you guys to tell your Showmance story,” Dodie said excitedly. 

“That is not happening,” Phil replied immediately. 

“Why not?” Dodie wondered, deflating a little and giving him a concerned look.

“Because… I don’t know- what if it’s one sided?” 

“It is absolutely not one sided, you two are just the most dense people on the face of the planet,” Dodie replied, rolling her eyes. 

“Harsh.” 

“Sorry, I just mean- you were all for pushing me to ask out Amy, so why not have the same faith in yourself?” Dodie asked, and Phil shrugged. He didn’t know what was holding him back- maybe he found being in limbo more comforting than a definite rejection. 

“Rejection is scary, but it’s a part of life. I’ll tell you what- opening night. We’re both going to get over our fears of rejection. And if it doesn’t work out, we’ll go get ice cream and do whatever you do when you’re sad,” Dodie promised, patting him on the shoulder.

“Okay… Opening night,” Phil agreed after a minute. At least if it didn’t work out they wouldn’t have to worry about being thrown together in rehearsal all the time. “Amy doesn’t know what she’s missing if she turns you down though.” 

“And Dan’s a massive idiot if he turns you down.”

“Thanks,” Phil laughed, and Dodie smiled at him before standing up. 

“Okay, we’ve been on break long enough. Let’s get this finished tonight.” 

“You know, you’d make a great director,” Phil told her, grabbing his camera and standing up. 

“Thanks. I like to think making music is like self directing,” Dodie replied, picking up her ukelele. 

“That’s a good way to put it,” Phil said nodding, and they got back to work.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Reblog on tumbkr](https://obsessive-fics.tumblr.com/post/175375582436/youre-gonna-be-my-wound-chapter-eleven)


	12. Dancing Through Life

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just wanted to take a quick moment to thank everyone who's supported this fic- I work very hard on it, and all of your comments mean so much to me, so thank you! 
> 
> Chapter title from Wicked

“How have you been, Dan? Did you make an appointment with the psychiatrist yet?” Dr. Hallowell asked as they took their seats in his office. 

“No, I’ve decided to wait until after the show,” Dan replied. The truth was, he’d been looking at all the potential side effects, and was more than terrified of, well… all of them.

“And how’s that going?” Dr.Hallowell asked.

“It’s amazing-I really think it’s all coming together,” Dan told him excitedly. Tech Week was about to start, which was always stressful, but it also meant they were getting closer to opening night. 

“That’s great, I’m very happy for you. My partner and I got tickets to see it, we’re pretty excited about it,” Dr.Hallowell replied, smiling encouragingly.

“Thanks. I’m just excited to finally perform it, that’s always the best part.”

“And how’s school?” Dr.Hallowell asked, and Dan knew he couldn’t skirt around the question this time. The truth was, he was barely attending his lectures, and when he did go he usually spent the entire time running his lines in his head, or humming one of the songs from the show to himself. Not exactly a present and hardworking student. 

“School’s fine,” he settled on finally, which wasn’t an outright lie. School was fine- he liked being here, and he liked the people he’d met here, and he loved theatre. It was his degree that was the problem. 

“I’m not here to judge you, but you have to be honest with me,” Dr.Hallowell replied, and Dan couldn’t tell if he actually genuinely sounded impatient or if he was just projecting. 

“Every time I go to lecture, I just sit there and think ‘what am I doing? What’s the point?’ I can’t be a lawyer. Why’d I think I could be a lawyer? I tear up if someone yells at a customer service person,” Dan admitted, burying his head in his hands, and Dr. Hallowell patted his shoulder gently. 

“It’s okay not to know what you want to do right now,” Dr.Hallowell tried to reassure him, but the dam had been opened. 

“Is it? One more year and I’ll be expected to go out and actually do, you know, lawyer stuff. And I hate that. I hate that that’s the future I’m supposed to have and I can’t even picture it!”

“You have options, Dan,” Dr.Hallowell replied, as patient as ever. It felt like they had this conversation at least twice every term. Dan would have a complete mental breakdown about how much he hated law, Dr.Hallowell would encourage him to look into other viable paths he could take to a different career, and Dan would be right back in the autumn. It was exhausting. 

“I would’ve dropped out a long time ago if it weren’t for theatre,” Dan said, lifting his head up.

“There’s no shame in that,” Dr.Hallowell told him, and he laughed a bitter, hollow laugh. 

“There’s not? Tell me, are you happy right now, doing this?”

“Very much so, yes,” Dr.Hallowell replied, sounding surprised. 

“And did you graduate university?” Dan asked, and Dr.Hallowell sighed. 

“Yes. But there are lots of other paths I could’ve taken that would have left me just as fulfilled,” he answered after a minute.

“I don’t think I’m meant to be fulfilled,” Dan admitted after a minute, looking down at the carpet. 

“Of course you are. You are meant to live a good and happy life, whatever that means to you,” Dr.Hallowell told him emphatically, and he didn’t want to spend another session crying, so he just nodded.

“Permission to change the subject now?”

“Granted, but you’re going to have to face this one day. I’m not here to tell you what to do, I’m here to help you figure out what’s best for you,” Dr.Hallowell replied. He’d told him some variation of that almost every session, but for some reason his education was the one place he couldn’t force himself to take some of Dr.Hallowell’s (always sound) advice. 

“We’re having a party- wait, am I allowed to tell you about parties?” 

“As long as you don’t pose a threat to yourself or others, anything you tell me stays between us,” Dr.Hallowell answered, completely unbothered, and it occurred to Dan that Dr.Hallowell existed out of this room, that he had other students that sat with him and told him their deepest thoughts and feelings, and he kept them all bottled up. Something about that seemed a little sad.

“Right, well, we’re having a party. A party I don’t even really want to go to, but we do it for every show. And Phil was so nice about it when I asked him to host, so now I feel like I have to go… what?” Dan asked when he noticed the amused look on Dr.Hallowell’s face. 

“You know this is the longest you’ve gone in a session without mentioning him in weeks?” Dr.Hallowell asked, and that smile in his voice could not be professional. 

“That can’t be true,” Dan replied immediately. He didn’t talk about Phil  _ that  _ much. Obviously he came up, they were in almost every scene together, but that was it. 

“There’s nothing to be embarrassed about, I’m glad you made such a good… friend?” Dr.Hallowell asked in the way he did when he was trying to get Dan to admit to something.

“Friend,” Dan repeated nodding quickly. “And thanks. I don’t know, I just… I’m not sad around him. I don’t want to be sad around him,” Dan said, with a shrug. 

“I’d say that makes him a pretty good friend,” Dr.Hallowell replied, smiling at him knowingly, and this was officially torture. 

“You’re enjoying this way too much. Isn’t there a rule against torturing your clients about their love lives?”

“Oh, so we’re talking about your love life?” Dr.Hallowell asked in reply, raising an eyebrow at him, and honestly? Fuck psychologists. 

“I’m not talking about this with you,” Dan decided, shaking his head, and Dr.Hallowell laughed. 

“Our time is up for this week anyway. I expect an update though,” he teased, and Dan all but shot up out of his seat. 

“No. No absolutely not. This has been great, thank you for your time, I’m just gonna go now and pretend none of this ever happened,” he rambled, heading for the door. 

“Remember what I said though- a good and happy life is a more than attainable goal for you, and you deserve it,” Dr.Hallowell told him seriously. 

“Thanks. See you next week,” he replied, and Dr.Hallowell nodded. 

“See you next week.”

* * *

 

“This was a bad idea,” Phil said, looking around at all of the alcohol and decorations Louise was currently filling their flat with. 

“It was a brilliant idea,” PJ replied, clapping him on the shoulder excitedly. 

“I hate parties,” Phil complained, but PJ and Louise were too busy opening up a bottle of vodka. 

“It’s gonna be fun, you’ll see,” Louise promised, handing him a shot. 

“We’re doing this now?” 

“Predrinks,” Louise explained, just as the doorbell rang. 

“I got it,” Phil said,taking his shot and heading to open the door. 

“Phil!” Dan exclaimed, hugging him excitedly, “don’t let Louise give me anymore to drink.”

“How much have you had?” Phil asked, laughing and looking up at him. 

“A lot. So much,” Dan replied, looking at him seriously, before breaking out into laughter. 

“Let’s get you some water,” Phil said, leading him inside. 

* * *

Louise, as it turned out, was a terrible influence. By the time people started arriving, Phil had had more shots than he could count. It felt like every time he turned around, Louise was pouring him another one. And Dan, as it turned out, was a very touchy drunk. He’d hugged pretty much every person that walked in, and was currently clinging to Phil’s side like a koala.

“Don’t you two look cozy!” Dodie screamed over the music when she saw them. Louise had made what she called an “Epic Party” playlist, which was a mix of songs from musicals, and lots of eighties, nineties, and early 2000s music. Dodie was currently screaming over “Wannabe” by the Spice Girls and there was a group of girls doing a choreographed dance routine to it in the middle of the living room.

“I hate parties. Louise always gets me drunk and leaves me alone. Phil’s not gonna leave me alone, though, right Phil?” Dan asked him, and he laughed. 

“Right.” 

“Well, I’m gonna go try and have enough tequila to catch up with you guys. Later!” Dodie called, heading for the kitchen. 

“Did I scare her off?” Dan asked, looking after her.

“No, she just went to get a drink,” Phil explained, and Dan reached up to push his hair out of his face. 

“Your eyes are so pretty.”

“Oh… Thank you,” Phil replied, not sure if he was suddenly feeling very warm from the alcohol or from the way Dan was looking at him right now. 

“I love this song! Dance with me,” Dan said, dragging him to the center of the living room as the opening notes of “ I Wanna Dance With Somebody” started to play. 

A bunch of the other cast members were already dancing, and they cheered when they saw the two of them come over. 

“Finally! We thought for sure you were gonna be huddled up in the corner all night,” Louise said, throwing her arms around them.

“Hey, I like our corner,” Phil replied, confused. There was nothing wrong with the corner they’d been standing in. They had a perfect view of the room, and were having fun watching people sneak upstairs (it was a good thing he’d locked his room). So why was Louise talking about it like it was a bad thing?

“I like it too,” Dan added, nodding quickly.

“Aww. It’ll be any day now,” PJ said to Louise, who laughed and nodded. 

“Who knows? It could be tonight,” she replied, and Phil was way too drunk to decipher any of that, so he just went back to dancing. Before long the song was over, and everyone dispersed to take a break or to refill their drinks. 

“I don’t wanna stop dancing. Where’s everyone going?” Dan asked, pouting and looking around.

“To take a break. We can keep dancing,” Phil told him, just as “Kiss Me” by Ed Sheeran started to play. 

“This song is so slow,” Dan said, sounding disappointed. 

“We can still dance to it. Like this,” Phil replied, tentatively taking a step forward, and placing his hands on Dan’s waist. 

“Oh,” Dan breathed, sounding surprised. 

“Is this okay?” Phil asked, searching his face.

“Yeah. Yeah it’s good,” Dan replied as they swayed to the music. They probably looked insane, alone in the living room, swaying to the song meant to give everyone a break to talk and drink. But Phil was drunk and lightheaded, and Dan’s head was on his shoulder, and he didn’t care how anyone thought they looked. He could stay here, in this moment, for the rest of time.

“Phil?” Dan asked, pulling away slightly to look at him. 

“Yeah?”

“I-” he started to say, and then he threw up, just barely missing Phil’s shoes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Reblog on tumblr](https://obsessive-fics.tumblr.com/post/175474481671/youre-gonna-be-my-wound-chapter-twelve)


	13. The Story of Tonight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please forgive me for the last chapter, I couldn't resist  
> Chapter title from Hamilton

Dan had never been more embarrassed in his life. The moment had been perfect- the music, the way they were swaying together, and it seemed like if there was any time to admit his feelings, it’d be then. But instead of doing that, he’d thrown up everywhere. And now here he was, leaning against the toilet, as Phil rubbed his back, and looked at him, concerned. 

“You didn’t have to come with me, you know,” Dan told him after he felt like he’d gotten everything out. Phil being here was just making this whole thing even more embarrassing. 

“Of course I did. How else would I make sure you’re okay?”

“Stop being so perfect,” Dan groaned, sitting back against the tub. 

“I’m not perfect, just worried about you,” Phil told him, shuffling over and sitting down next to him. 

“I can’t believe I just did that. Remind me to never take drinks from Louise ever again,” Dan said, sighing and leaning back. Phil laughed and handed him a water bottle. 

“I don’t know how she does it. No glass is every empty around  her.”

“I’m so sorry I ruined your carpet. I ruined everything,” Dan said, looking up at the ceiling. 

“You didn’t ruin anything. I had so much fun with you tonight,” Phil told him, turning to look at him. 

“You did?”

“Yeah- who knew you could dance like that,” Phil teased, grinning at him.

“Shut up,” he said, shoving Phil, just as the door opened and Jimmy and Tom stumbled inside, very clearly in the middle of a drunken makeout session. 

“Uh, guys? Maybe try a different room,” Phil called out to them, and they looked over, before breaking out into a fit of giggles.

“Sorry,” they said, sounding not even the least bit apologetic. 

“Come on, my room’s a lot quieter,” Phil said, standing up and holding a hand out to him. They maneuvered their way around Jimmy and Tom, who were still leaned up against the sink, and probably not planning on stopping what they were doing anytime soon. 

“Are you feeling okay?” Phil asked, opening the door to his room. 

“Yeah, I think so,” Dan replied, following him inside. He was about ready to die from embarrassment, but probably not alcohol poisoning. 

“You can sit too, you know,” Phil told him, from where he was sitting on the bed, and Dan realized he’d just been hovering by the door awkwardly. He nodded, and walked over to sit down next to him. 

“So that was a theatre party?” Phil asked, crawling up to lay down on the bed, and Dan laughed, hesitating for a second, before laying down next to him. 

“Yup. They’re pretty- wait. Is there actually a poster of Sarah Michelle Gellar on your ceiling?”

“... Maybe,” Phil replied, and he laughed. 

“Wow.” 

“Shut up,” Phil said, reaching over to shove him, and they fell silent for a minute. It was surreal, laying here in silence, starting to come down from his earlier high, leaving him sleepy, and with a splitting headache. Tomorrow morning was not going to be fun. 

“What are you thinking about?” Phil asked, looking over at him.

“What did you want to be when you grew up?” Dan replied, looking back. 

“A weatherman,” Phil told him, grinning. 

“Really?” Dan asked, laughing. 

“Really. Dead serious. What about you?” Phil replied, and Dan looked back up at the ceiling, sighing. 

“I wanted to be an actor.”

“Past tense?” Phil asked softly. He was annoyingly good at that- always hearing what Dan meant under what he said. 

“It’s not ‘practical.’ You know what is practical? Law. I’d always have a job, it sounds impressive…” Dan listed off bitterly. He could just hear his dad in his head.  _ Acting’s not a real job, Dan. It’s time to get serious, Dan. _

“Those are terrible reasons to choose a career path. That sounds miserable,” Phil replied, and Dan could feel his eyes on him, but he didn’t look away from the ceiling.

“You’re telling me. But it’s too late now, isn’t it? I’m here… Studying law.” 

“It’s never too late. You can either keep playing it safe, and be miserable. Or you could take a risk- you’re a great actor, Dan. I’ve seen you on stage, you always seem so at home,” Phil said, rendering Dan completely speechless. Being on stage, performing, becoming someone else… it made him happier than anything else in the world. He felt free onstage, and safe. 

“But is it worth the risk?” Dan asked finally. 

“Only you can decide that,” Phil told him gently, and he nodded, suddenly feeling very tired. It had been a long night, filled with a lot of excitement, and ups and downs. Dan hoped everyone had had a good time- he certainly had… For the most part. 

“I think I’m falling asleep,” he said, closing his eyes. 

“That’s okay. Good night, Dan. Sleep well,” Phil replied softly. 

“Good night.”

* * *

The next morning woke Phil up with a volatile hangover. His head was pounding, and his stomach felt like it was trying to twist in on itself. But Dan was still there, curled around him fast asleep, so that was nice.

“Hey, I brought you… Oh,” PJ said, standing in the doorway, holding a glass of water and looking shocked, and had he really forgotten to close his door last night? 

“Calm down, nothing happened,” Phil said, careful to keep quiet so he wouldn’t wake Dan.

“Should I go get another glass of water?” PJ asked, and if he wasn’t so hungover Phil would’ve thrown a pillow at him for sounding so smug. Instead, he just nodded slightly.  _ Fuck _ , his head hurt.

“Yeah… And some Tylenol please?” 

“As you wish,” PJ called, turning and heading back towards the kitchen. 

“What time is it?” Dan groaned, blinking awake. 

“That’s a good question,” Phil replied, then felt around for his phone. “It’s 11:30.” 

“I hate parties,” Dan muttered into his chest, and he laughed. 

“I had fun.” 

“Me too,” Dan replied, smiling at him softly. 

“Water for the lightweights!” PJ called, walking back in, and they both groaned. 

“Do you have to be so loud, Peej?” Phil asked, glaring at his terrible best friend. 

“I’m just excited! It’s a beautiful day, the show’s in a week, and you to are gonna have to explain to Ms.Jay why her leads look like they’ve been hit by a truck,” PJ replied, grinning and holding out the glasses. Oh no, rehearsal was tonight. That was not going to be fun at all. And he’d slept with his contacts in. He was just a mess all over today. He sat up and took a glass of water and a box of Tylenol from PJ. 

“I hate you,” Phil grumbled after he’d downed his entire glass of water. “And I need to go take my contacts out.”

“Oh, can I rub some toothpaste on my teeth? My breath tastes awful,” Dan asked, turning to him.

“I have a spare toothbrush. Come on,” Phil replied, standing up and picking up his glasses. He didn’t realize until they were both standing in the bathroom brushing their teeth that there really wasn’t any reason for them to be in there together, but then Dan smiled at him in the mirror, and he figured it was okay. 

“I should go. Need time to like, shower and take a nap before rehearsal,” Dan said, after they’d finished brushing their teeth, and Phil was taking his contacts out. He placed them in the holder and put on his glasses. 

“You don’t want to stay for breakfast?” Phil asked, looking over at him, but Dan was just standing there, staring at him wide-eyed.

“What?” he asked finally. 

“Nothing, I just… Um… I like your glasses.”

“Oh... Thank you. So, breakfast?” he asked again, and Dan nodded. 

“I guess it wouldn’t hurt to get some food in me,” he said, and they headed for the kitchen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Reblog on tumblr](https://obsessive-fics.tumblr.com/post/175610983211/youre-gonna-be-my-wound-chapter-thirteen)


	14. Those You've Known

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You've all been so sweet and supportive, thank you to everyone for your kind words, they keep me writing <3  
> Chapter title from Spring Awakening because I am running out of ideas

This was exhausting. They were doing a dry run of the entire show before running scene changes cue to cue, and Dan couldn’t get the very last scene right. It just made him so nervous, literally the entire cast sitting in the audience, watching him. You’d think after all this time, he’d get over that, but nope. It was one thing delivering a monologue to a dark theatre- the audience didn’t know his lines, couldn’t judge him if he rushed, or skipped over something. But here, now? Every person in the room would know if he made a mistake, and he hated that.

“The sooner we get through this scene, the sooner we can move on. I need you to do it full out,” Ms.Jay told him, and he nodded.

“I know, sorry. I just…” he trailed off, trying to think of what to say. He went through this at least once every tech week, and it was a miracle Ms.Jay kept casting him in things.

“Why don’t we take five, and then try it again?” she suggested softly, and he nodded again, walking offstage.

“What happened?” Phil asked, from where he’d been waiting in the wings for his cue.

“Five minute break,” Dan told him, sitting down on the floor next to him.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing, I’m just having a lot of trouble with this scene,” Dan replied, shrugging.

“Really? But whenever we run it with Louise , you’re amazing,” Phil said, and it was kind of flattering how surprised he sounded.

“Thanks. I can’t get out of my head- everyone’s watching me, and expecting me to deliver this insanely powerful moment, and then I just… freeze up,” Dan explained, tugging at the hem of his sleeve.

“Oh… Well, what if you pretend it’s just me?” Phil asked softly, and Dan’s head snapped up. That wouldn’t help his nerves at all.

“What?”

“And Louise. When you’re doing the scene pretend it’s just you, me, and Louise sitting around at your kitchen table, and then before you know it, we’ll be right there with you,” Phil suggested, patting his arm gently, and he had to admit, it was pretty good advice.

“Okay. Okay, I’ll try that,” he said, just as Ms.Jay called everyone to resume rehearsal.

“Break a leg,” Phil called after him as he headed back onto the stage.

“Okay, Act II Scene 9. Is my Melchior ready this time?”

“Yes, Ms.Jay,” he told her, and she nodded, satisfied.

“Perfect. Alright, blow me away.”

Dan took a breath, and remembered Phil’s advice. It was just them and Louise, sat around the kitchen table, running their lines the way they always did. There were no eyes on him right now, judging his every move. Okay, he could do this.

 _“Wendla?”_ he called, wandering around the stage like he was looking for her, and then he sighed and stopped center stage. _“Look at this- spend your whole life running from the church, and where do you wind up?”_ He shook his head and took a few steps, before kneeling stage left.

 _“Moritz, my old friend…”_ he paused, looking down at the stage, grief stricken. His best friend was gone forever, all because of the cruel adults around them. _“Well, they won’t get to me. Or Wendla. I won’t. I won’t let them. We’ll build that world together, for our child.”_

Dan recited the rest of his lines, finding Wendla’s grave, and collapsing into sobs on the floor. It all happened so fast, it was like he was on autopilot. He heard himself pretending to sob, felt his shoulders shaking, but he almost couldn’t remember how he’d gotten there. The music started to play, and he could hear Phil walking towards him, singing the first lines of “Those You’ve Known.”

_Those you’ve known_

_And lost still walk behind you_

_“Moritz?”_ he asked, looking up at him.

They ran the rest of the scene, with Wendla’s entrance, and her and Moritz preventing Melchior from committing suicide. Dan took Louise and Phil’s hands, drawing them to his chest, and starting to sing.

_Now they'll walk on my arm through the distant night,_

_And I won't let them stray from my heart._

_Through the wind, through the dark, through the winter light,_

_I will read all their dreams to the stars_

Phil and Louise dropped his hands, stepping back, and he finished out the song, standing alone center stage.

“There’s my Melchior! You had me worried for a minute,” Ms.Jay said after he’d finished.

“Sorry,” Dan replied, sheepishly.

“No need to apologize, just keep doing that scene exactly like that and we should be good. Alright, everyone backstage for ‘Song of Purple Summer’. Ilse, you’re up,” Ms.Jay said, smiling at Dodie.

Dan headed backstage to wait for his cue with the rest of the cast, and moved to stand next to Phil.

“You did it! That was amazing!” Phil said, jumping up and hugging him. He laughed, and hugged back, still in disbelief.

“I can’t believe it, I actually did it.” Dan felt people watching them, and cleared his throat, gentling detangling himself from their adrenaline fueled hug.

“Thanks for the advice, by the way. I never would’ve got that scene right without you,” he told him, and Phil shrugged, waving him off.

“Of course you would have. This show means everything to you, Just gotta be careful not to overthink it,” Phil teased, poking the side of his face.

“What are you doing?” Dan asked, laughing.

“Sorry. Dimples,” Phil replied, like that was an explanation, and somehow that was the most endearing thing in the world.

“Listen, I-” Dan started to say, but then he heard that Dodie was on the last line of her solo.

_A song of purple summer_

_Through the heart of everything_

And that was the cue for the rest of the cast to join her onstage. Phil smiled at him apologetically as they all walked out to finish the rest of the song.

_And heaven waits_

_So close it seems_

_To show a child the wonders_

_Of a world beyond her dreams_

When the song ended, Ms.Jay wiped her eyes and clapped excitedly.

“Yes, perfect! Oh, you guys, this show is going to be so good, I can feel it,” she said, and the cast cheered, equally as excited. Hell week was never fun, but by opening night, it would all be worth it.

Dan looked around at the cast, all riding the high of getting through at least part of the show off book, and he felt totally, and utterly at home. And he looked over at Phil, who was experiencing this for the first time- the excitement, the exhaustion, the repetition- and somehow still looked as happy to be here as ever, and he felt something else entirely. Something warm and present, fluttering in his chest like a bird in a cage, and to quote Act II, Scene 4… He was totally fucked.

* * *

Phil was starting to understand why Tech Week was called Hell Week. They were in the theatre every day for hours- from the minute he got out of lecture to the minute the cleaner walked in and told them the building was closing. They ran scenes cue to cue over and over again- people forgot their lines, props went missing, someone (okay, that someone was Phil) almost fell off the stage. It was a nightmare.

It wasn’t all bad though, Phil thought as Dan ran over to him after running the “Totally Fucked” scene.

“How was that?” he asked, grinning and out of breath.

“Shut up you know you were amazing,” Phil replied, shoving him.

“Yeah, but I like hearing you say it.”

“I hate that I’m not in this scene, everyone always looks like they’re having so much fun,” Phil said, watching as the crew set up the stage for the vineyard scene.

“Yeah… Shame you had to go and die,” Dan joked, and he shook his head.

“Yeah, like I had a choice in that.”

“You could always ask Ms.Jay to be in the scene anyway- imagine that, Moritz’s ghost jumping around as his best friend gets blamed for his suicide.”

“That’s… that’s really sad, actually,” Phil said after a minute, and Dan laughed.

“It’s super sad, but that’s why the song’s there. It lightens the tone for a little bit. This scene does too,” he replied, watching as Jimmy made his entrance on to stage.

“This might be one of my favorite parts of the show,” Phil told him as they watched. Jimmy and Tom had really taken something that could have been played for laughs and made it something intimate and beautiful.

“Really?” Dan asked, smiling that perfect, soft smile at him, and all he could do was nod.

“Really.”

“Mine too.”

They got through the rest of the show, and then Ms.Jay announced from then on out they were to be doing full dress rehearsals, which was more than intimidating. This was it then, it was really happening. They’d be doing dress rehearsals for the rest of the week, and then it’d be opening night.

Phil almost didn’t know what he’d do after this, when there was no more rehearsal, no more sitting around the auditorium running or watching the same scene over and over again until they couldn’t stand it, no more table reads with PJ, Dan, and Louise. He’d be graduating soon, and then there wouldn’t be anymore of this at all. God, what was he going to do then?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Reblog on tumblr](https://obsessive-fics.tumblr.com/post/175713969881/youre-gonna-be-my-wound-chapter-fourteen)


	15. I Could've Danced All Night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! I just wanted to thank you all for being so amazing and leaving such nice comments, I've cried reading some of them lol. And if I haven't replied to your comment, know that I saw it and I'm eternally grateful- I'm just running out of ways to say thank you. Anyway, that's enough rambling- Hope you enjoy this chapter!  
> Chapter title from My Fair Lady

It was their last dress rehearsal before the show, and Dan couldn’t believe they were already so close to opening night. He was gathering up his stuff after changing out of his costume when Louise ran over.

“It’s the night before the show,” she said, bouncing up and down excitedly.

“I know, I didn’t forget our tradition,” he promised. Said tradition was watching a movie musical and trying not to stay up all night overthinking every mistake they’d made in dress rehearsal.

“I think we should invite Phil and PJ,” Louise said quickly, before he could continue.

“You sure? This has always been an us thing,” he replied, searching her face for any sign of uncertainty, but he found none.

“Table reads at the kitchen table used to be an us thing too- I think our definition of us has expanded,” Louise pointed out, which was a fair point. He spotted Phil and PJ coming back into the auditorium from the dressing room and waved them over.

“Hey, we’re getting Chinese and watching _My Fair Lady,_ do you guys wanna come?”

“Don’t you guys have some big pre-opening night ritual?” Phil asked sounding confused.

“This is our pre-opening night ritual,” Louise explained excitedly. “It’s the best way to get our minds off overthinking our performances.”

“You could definitely use some help not overthinking,” PJ said, bumping his shoulder to Phil’s, and Dan desperately wished seeing that didn’t make his stomach turn. It was completely irrational, and he knew that, but it was things like this that reminded him that they had a whole history he knew nothing about. They could practically read each other’s minds, it was ridiculous.

“That sound good, Dan?” Phil asked, and he realized he’d just been standing there, glaring at the seats.

“What?” he replied, snapping back to attention, and Phil laughed, waving a hand in front of him.

“You’re always a million miles away. I asked if eight was good for you,” Phil repeated.

“Oh. Oh. Yeah, eight’s fine.”

“Perfect! See you later,” Phil said, grinning at him, and picking up his bag.

“You are so obvious,” Louise said, as they watched Phil and PJ walk away.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Dan said reflexively, even though he knew she wouldn’t buy it. Louise knew him better than anyone, and she’d been there for the whole Vince disaster. If anyone could tell when he had a crush, it was her.

“Oh, come off it, this has gone on long enough. Tell me the truth or I’ll do my Kristin Chenoweth impression the whole walk home,” Louise said, already humming the opening bars of “Thank Goodness.”

“Alright, alright fine. I like him. A lot. Are you satisfied now?” he asked, and Louise squealed excitedly.

“I knew it! Well, the whole cast knows it actually- we all saw you on top of each other at the party last weekend,” Louise teased, poking him in the side of his face.

“Why does everyone keep doing that?” Dan asked, ducking away, and Louise stuck her tongue out at him.

“You have a soft face. So, why haven’t you asked him out?”

“I don’t know. I keep trying, but something always comes up.”

“Well, ask him tonight! I can get PJ out of the room, it’ll be perfect,” Louise suggested, and he appreciated her trying to help, but the timing wouldn’t be right at all. Besides, he would never skip out on Louise for a crush.

“What? No, Louise, this is our tradition, that’s way more important,” Dan told her, and she shrugged.

“Suit yourself. It’s his last year though. Better ask before he’s gone,” Louise singsonged, tapping her wrist. God, he hated it when she was right. Time was running out.

That night, they all sat down on the floor and settled in to watch the movie.

“Oh, fair warning, this movie’s like three hours long. There’s an intermission and everything,” Dan told Phil and PJ as Louise hit play.

“There’s an intermission? How does that work?”

“The word intermission comes up on screen for a few minutes. We usually just fast forward,” Louise explained before hitting play, and the opening theme started to play.

“How long are we going to be looking at flowers?” Phil whispered to him, and he laughed and shoved him playfully.

“Hush, Mr. Film Student. I watched your pretentious black and white movie, you have to watch my fun musical.”

“Hey, _Psycho_ isn’t pretentious,” Phil argued, shoving him back.

“Either you two shut up and stop flirting, or get a room,” Louise hissed, glaring over at them, and Dan couldn’t help but feel like he was breaking his promise a little bit. He’d told her this night was about them, and their tradition, but they were sitting on opposite ends on the floor in front of the couch, Phil and PJ sat between them. And he knew Louise didn’t mind opening up their friendship to include them, but he couldn’t help but feel like he was leaving her out. He was considering getting up and going to sit next to her when he felt Phil’s hand slip into his.

“Is this okay?” Phil asked, smiling at him shyly.

“Yeah. Yeah, of course,” he whispered back, turning back to the screen.

They watched the movie mostly in silence, aside from Dan and Louise singing along to their favorite songs and Phil and PJ making fun of some of the more ridiculous parts of the movie. It was nice, the four of them hanging out for reasons completely unrelated to Spring Awakening, and he wished they’d all met and become friends earlier. It felt so easy to sit and laugh, and talk, and watch a movie together. And next year him and Louise would still be stuck here while Phil and PJ got to go out into the real world, and do something it was clear they both really loved. He wondered what that felt like, studying something you enjoyed- they probably went to all of their lectures, and paid attention, and cared about what they were doing. Dan hadn’t cared about things outside of theatre in a really long time.

“You okay?” Phil asked from next to him, and he nodded.

“Just thinking about how we won’t get to do this again next production,” Dan told him, shrugging.

“That doesn’t have to be true- I’d come back to see you in more shows,” Phil replied softly, and he looked down hoping it wasn’t painfully obvious how much his stomach was fluttering right now.

“Thanks. And maybe one day we’ll all sit around watching one of your movies,” Dan said, bumping their shoulders together, and Phil laughed.

“I hope so.”

They fell silent again until the end of the movie, when Eliza goes back to Professor Higgins.

“Wait, she actually goes back to that guy?” Phil asked, and Dan laughed. He didn’t think he’d ever heard him so upset about something.

“Yeah. Great musical, not the best ending.”

“That should be your first movie- _My Fair Lady_ , but in this version Eliza tells Higgins to fuck off, and goes on living her best life,” Louise announced, standing up.

“And you’ll play lead,” Phil added, standing up too, and walking over to her, spinning her around. She laughed and started to sing “I Could’ve Danced All Night” while they spun around the living room.

“You think we should tell them they have no rhythm?” PJ asked him, smiling up at them.

“Nah, I think we can let them have this one- Should we join them?”

“I thought you’d never ask,” PJ replied, standing up, and helping him off the floor.

And as they all spun around, singing and laughing, Dan found himself not worried about opening night, or about law, or his future. He was here, in this moment, with his favorite people in the world, and he wouldn’t change that for anything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Reblog on tumblr](https://obsessive-fics.tumblr.com/post/175850003266/youre-gonna-be-my-wound-chapter-fifteen)


	16. Can't Take My Eyes Off You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone, happy Monday! I'm so sorry if I haven't gotten around to replying to all of your incredibly sweet comments- I read every single one of them, and I appreciate each one so much. I don't even deserve how kind and supportive they've been, but hopefully this chapter makes up for it...  
> Chapter title from Jersey Boys

The stage was set, the costumes were laid out, everyone was packed into the auditorium, dressed for Act I. It was time- opening night, it was actually happening. 

“Did you ever think when I asked you to borrow a pencil three years ago that’d we be here?” PJ asked, as they stood in front of the mirror, making sure their costumes were on right. 

“Getting ready to perform in a musical in front of the entire university? No, I definitely couldn’t have predicted that,” Phil replied, reaching up to tie his tie, but his hands were shaking. 

“Here, let me,” a voice called, and Phil turned to see Dan, already in full costume, leaning in the doorway.

“I’m gonna go see if Louise needs anything- remember you two, curtain is in twenty,” PJ said, giving them both a look, and then heading backstage. Dan walked over, and adjusted his tie. 

“You doing okay?” he asked, and Phil shrugged. 

“Remember when I said auditions were the most nervous I’d ever been in my life? I lied.” Dan laughed, smoothing Phil’s shirt collar down over his tie.

“You’re gonna be amazing. You know this show front and back, you could do it in your sleep,” Dan reassured him, but Phil shook his head. 

“That’s not what I’m worried about- well maybe it is now, but no. What if I’m not good? What if I just freeze, what if I-?” 

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, slow down,” Dan said, cutting him off. “It’s gonna be okay- remember what you told me, that day at rehearsal when I couldn’t get the last scene right for the life of me?” 

“What, about pretending it’s just me?” 

“Yes, exactly that. It’s just you and me- and Louise and PJ. At the kitchen table like always. Your nerves always enhance your performance. It’ll be okay,” Dan promised, just as the lights started to flash. They were opening the house. The whole cast needed to be backstage so they were ready when the lights went up. 

“We have to go,” Phil said, but he didn’t move.

“Everyone’s supposed to be backstage,” Dan replied, but he didn’t move either. Phil was hyper aware of how close they were standing right now, how close they always seemed to be standing, or sitting, or in that one very memorable instance, dancing. There was so much he wanted to say, but there’s no time. Instead, he took in Dan, full of excitement and ready to do what he loved, and smiled.

“Break a leg,” he told him, walking over to open the door. 

“Wait,” Dan called, and he turned, hand still on the doorknob. 

“What’s wrong?” he started to ask, but Dan was walking over, a determined look on his face, and suddenly Phil found himself crowded against the door. 

“If I don’t do this now, I never will,” Dan said, and before Phil could ask what that even meant, Dan was kissing him, soft, and sweet, and absolutely perfect. 

Phil couldn’t believe he had been fighting this so long, that there was ever a moment that he didn’t want this, right now- Dan was kissing him. Dan was actually kissing him! Dan, who talked a little too loud when he was explaining something he loved, but you couldn’t bring yourself to mind because he was just so excited, and that excitement was contagious. Who got this adorable pout whenever he lost at a game they were playing, who completely transformed every time he was on stage. Phil had never felt this way about anyone, this undeniable pull to another person, this need to be around them in whatever capacity they allow. He’d barely even let himself imagine this moment, but somehow it was real, and it was happening right now. He kind of wanted it to never stop happening, but all too soon Dan was pulling away. 

“Break a leg,” Dan told him, and why was he talking right now? Phil leaned up to kiss him again, and this time Dan pulled away even sooner.

“The show, remember? If we don’t go now, we’ll miss curtain,” he pointed out, gesturing to the lights that were still flashing in warning. 

“Do you always start things you can’t finish?” 

“Who said I wasn’t going to finish?” Dan asked, smirking and taking his hand. “Come on, we gotta go.” 

They ran backstage to where everyone was standing in a circle waiting for Ms.Jay to give her pre-show pep talk. 

“Really? Now?” PJ asked, looking down at their conjoined hands, and Dan shrugged, unapologetically. 

“Louise owes you.” 

“Yes!” 

“If you boys are done, curtain is in five,” Ms.Jay broke in, and they nodded. It was really happening, the show was about to start. Phil could feel himself getting nervous all over again, but Dan squeezed his hand, smiling at him reassuringly.

It was just them, running lines at the kitchen table like always. Okay. He could do this. The lights were about to go up, and the show was going to start, and he knew he could do it. Because he’d worked really hard and rehearsed, yes, but also because Dan believed he could. He turned to Ms.Jay, who was holding her hands out. Everyone gathered around her and soon they were all standing in a circle, holding hands. 

“I am so proud of all the work you’ve all done. You’ve all worked so hard, and I know you’re gonna be amazing out there. Remember to keep going no matter what, and that I’m proud of you and I love you all,” she told them, giving them all a big , encouraging smile. They nodded, and cheered, and just like that it was time for the show to start.

The house lights went down, and Louise stepped out onto stage, the other girls waiting in the wings for their cue. Phil was stood with Dan, PJ, and the rest of the boys backstage where they’d stay until it was time for them to be on deck for the classroom scene. 

“You still nervous?” Dan asked, and he wondered how long it would be before their kiss earlier would stop vividly replaying in his head every time Dan looked at him. 

“I’m a little distracted now,” Phil answered, bumping their shoulders together. 

“Hopefully not too distracted,” Dan said, smiling softly at him and reaching up to fix his hair.

“This is not worth the twenty Louise owes me. Please stop before I lose my lunch,” PJ broke in, but he was smiling.

“You know what this means, don’t you?” Jimmy asked, smiling at them conspiratorially, and Phil groaned.  _ Oh no.  _

“That’s right! Tell us all the incredibly romantic showmance story,” PJ added, as always, enjoying this way too much. 

“No. Absolutely not- Besides, doesn’t the whole cast have to be here for that?” Phil asked, because what happened between them was new, and fragile, and he definitely didn’t want to recount it for the entire cast. 

“Technically, yes. Good thing we’re doing shows all weekend then,” Jimmy said, and Phil looked down at the floor, hoping it would open up and swallow him whole.

“We so should’ve waited until after the show closed,” he whispered to Dan, who laughed. 

“It’s really not that bad, I promise. Besides, I was literally going to explode if we waited any longer.”

“Yeah, me too,” he said, and then took Dan’s hand again cause that was a thing he could do now. Dan smiled at him, pressing a kiss to the back of his hand, and okay, this was definitely worth having to sit in a showmance circle.

The stage manager walked over, alerting them that their scene was next, and they needed to be ready to get to their places. They all walked to stand in the wings and watched the rest of “Mama Who Bore Me (Reprise).” The girls sounded amazing, and when they finished the audience cheered, but there was no time to stop and enjoy the applause. It was time. 

“Ready?” Dan asked from beside him, and he squeezed his hand one more time before letting go.

“Ready,” Phil replied, and they each grabbed a chair and brought them out onstage. Phil took his seat beside Jimmy just as the lights went up- Showtime. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Reblog on tumblr](https://obsessive-fics.tumblr.com/post/175952229951/title-cant-take-my-eyes-off-you-rating-t-word)


	17. As Long as You're Mine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone, happy Friday! And as always thank you for reading and being wonderful and supportive. Hope you enjoy!  
> Warnings this chapter for discussions of grief/suicide and alcohol use  
> Chapter title from Wicked

Act I went by so quickly, Phil could barely believe it was happening. Every scene seemed to end the minute it started, but still, he was enjoying every moment of it. Every time they had to pause for laughter, every time they audience cheered after a song- even the scene changes, which were a mess in rehearsal, were all going off without a hitch. He listened to the applause as they finish singing “I Believe” and the lights went out- it was intermission already. They set up the stage for Act I and everyone headed backstage. Phil caught sight of Dodie looking nervous and ran over. 

“Hey! Can you believe how fast this is going by?” he asked, sitting down next to her. 

“I feel like that’s just the adrenaline, we’ve been at this over an hour,” Dodie replied, but she sounded distracted. Phil followed her gaze to where Amy was helping someone tune their guitar. 

“Still haven’t asked her out yet?” he asked, and Dodie’s head snapped back towards him. 

“Can you say that a little louder, I don’t think the audience heard you,” she hissed, shoving him, and he laughed. 

“Sorry, sorry. Really, though- You should go over, say hi,” Phil suggested, and Dodie looked between him and Amy pensively. 

“You think so? How do I look?” she asked, smoothing down her hair self-consciously. 

“You look beautiful, Dodie. You always do,” he told her, and she stopped messing with her hair, smiling at him gratefully. 

“Thanks,” Dodie answered, hugging him. “Okay, I’m gonna go over. Wish me luck.”

“Good luck,” he said as they pulled away. 

“Good luck with what?” 

“Oh, Dodie’s just-” Phil started to say, but Dodie clapped a hand over his mouth. 

“Dodie’s just… going to go over there. For no reason. See you on stage,” she said quickly, scrambling up and walking over to where Amy was. 

“What was that about?” 

“Nothing, just helping Dodie out with something,” 

“Oh,” Dan replied, and unreadable expression taking over his face. 

“Why, jealous?” Phil teased, patting the space next to him. 

“Shut up,” Dan muttered, sitting down next to him.

“Wait, are you? Seriously?” Phil asked, barely keeping the laugh out of his voice. 

“No. Maybe. A little? I don’t know, she’s… and you’re… People gravitate towards you, you know? PJ, Dodie- sometimes I feel like you’re the sun and I’m just another planet in your orbit.” 

“That is the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard,” was all Phil could think of to say. There wasn’t a moment Dan wasn’t on his mind. 

“Gee, thanks,” Dan deadpanned,moving to get up, but Phil took his hand to stop him. 

“In case you couldn’t tell by me trying to jump you in the dressing room five minutes before showtime, I like you. A lot. So it really doesn’t matter to me whether people gravitate towards me or not,” Phil told him seriously. 

“You mean that?” Dan asked quietly. 

“Yes. I only have eyes for one person in this cast,” Phil continued.

“Really?”

“Yup… Jimmy,” Phil said, grinning, and Dan rolled his eyes, bumping their shoulders together. 

“Shut up,” he said laughing. They fell into comfortable silence for a moment, Phil watching Dodie and Amy, who seemed to be having a very animated conversation. He couldn’t wait to tease Dodie about that later. 

“So, how are you feeling about your scene?” Dan asked, taking his attention away from them. 

“My scene?” Phil replied, confused. 

“Yeah, with Dodie. I know you’ve done it in rehearsal a bunch of times now, but that doesn’t always make it easier,” Dan elaborated, and if there was one thing Phil absolutely did not want to talk about it was that scene. He’d done it a million times over, but it was easily the hardest part of all of this.

“Oh! That scene. It’s still hard, pretending to put myself in that position- every time I put that gun up to my head, I see him. But I can do it,” Phil told him, nodding determinedly. He didn’t mention how each time he did that scene he stood backstage after waiting for his hands to stop shaking and his breathing to return to normal. Dan didn’t need to know that, and besides, he didn’t want to worry him. 

“Okay, well I’ll be right there if you need me,” Dan replied, looking equal parts worried and unconvinced. 

“You’re literally in the next scene, you have to get ready,” Phil reminded him. The last thing he needed was Dan missing his cue just to check on him. 

“Well, yeah, but I want to make sure you’re okay.”

“I promise I’ll be fine. What about you? Are you feeling okay about the graveyard scene?” Phil asked in his best attempt at deflection. 

“You know I haven’t had any trouble with that scene since the day you helped me with it?” Dan asked grinning, and Phil smiled back, thankful his attempt at deflection worked.

“Seriously?” 

“Yeah. Whenever I feel myself freezing up or getting nervous, I just imagine the three of us at the kitchen table, and everything else just melts away,” Dan told him. 

“I’m glad,” Phil replied, and they fell silent, the air between them charged. He wondered if Dan was remembering what happened in the dressing room earlier too. He started to lean in without really thinking about it when someone cleared their throat, interrupting them. They looked up to see Louise standing over them, an equal parts amused and knowing look on her face. 

“Sorry to interrupt, but Act II’s about to start. I need my Melchior,” she said, holding her hand out to help Dan up off the floor. 

“Of course. See you out there?” Dan asked, turning to Phil.

“Yeah,” Phil replied, and Dan pecked him on the cheek before allowing Louise to help him up.

“Hey, ready for part two?” Dodie asked, walking over to him, and he nodded, scrambling up off the floor. 

“Even though I spend almost all of Act II back here,” he replied, only half-joking, and Dodie laughed. 

“Well, so do I. We can hang out back here and talk about how you and Dan spent all of intermission all over each other,” she teased, but Phil was still thinking about their scene. All of those people out there, watching him, who’d never once even considered suicide, pretend to take his own life. It made him feel queasy in a way he could barely wrap his head around. Regardless though, this was his role, and so many people were counting on him- Ms.Jay, Dodie, Dan, the rest of the cast…. Even Zach. He had to do this. 

* * *

 

The minute “Totally Fucked” ended, Dan practically ran backstage. He’d been watching from the wings as Phil and Dodie did their scene, and the entire audience had gone completely silent during Moritz’s suicide, completely captivated. And Phil had come offstage and walked straight past everyone without stopping to talk, or listen to their compliments on his performance. Dan had wanted to check on him, to make sure he was okay, but he’d had to be onstage for “Left Behind,” and Ms.Jay would definitely have lost it if he'd missed his cue. So he’d gone out and done his scenes, putting his all into each of them, and then went to find Phil. He eventually found him in the props room, looking down at his phone pensively. 

“Hey,” Dan said quietly, stepping into the room.

“Don’t you have to be onstage in like, two minutes?” Phil asked, looking up from his phone, and Dan shrugged. 

“Kinda, yeah. But I saw how shaken up you looked when you got offstage earlier, and I wanted to make sure you were okay,” he replied, walking over. 

“I’m not sure I’m ever going to be okay. How do you get over a person leaving you like that?” Phil asked, and Dan was almost certainly going to miss his cue, but he couldn’t just leave him here like this. 

“Well, you don’t, not really. But you learn to live with it I guess. It’s not your fault, you know that, right?” 

“On some level, yeah- that’s the first thing people tell you, ‘it’s not your fault.’ But it doesn’t feel like that. It feels like my friend was hurting, and I didn’t do anything.” 

“That’s not true, though. You were there for him, you listened to him. You’re not a mental health professional. You did all you could,” Dan reassured him, risking putting an arm around him. 

“I just wish he was here,” Phil said quietly, curling into his side. 

“I’m sorry,” Dan replied, because really, what else could he say.

“I know. You need to get onstage though, I don’t want everyone to think I made you miss your cue because we were back here doing something else,” Phil reminded him, pulling away. 

“You sure you’re gonna be okay?” Dan asked, even though he knew there wasn’t really anything he could do, especially not right now. 

“I’ll be fine. Go, go,” Phil said, pushing him towards the door, and as much as he wanted to stay here, Dan knew he had to be onstage. He ran out just as Jimmy and Tom were finishing their scene, thankfully having not missed his cue. 

“I was wondering where you were,” Louise said, appearing next to him in her hospital costume. 

“I’ll tell you later,” Dan replied, very much not wanting to get into this right now. 

“Okay,” Louise singsonged in that way that meant he hadn’t heard the last of this. The lights went out, and they rushed to do their scene change, and get to their places. 

The last few scenes went by in a blur after that. It felt like every time he came offstage it was time to go back on again, but Dan didn’t mind in the slightest. This was his life, he’d be happy to do this every single night. He stood in the middle of Louise and Phil, basking in the enthusiastic applause from the audience. He had the same feeling he always did at the end of a show, that he couldn’t wait to do this again. All the long rehearsals, all the mishaps and fighting during Hell Week all seemed worth it. There was nothing he loved doing more than this. 

* * *

Everyone was riding high on post show adrenaline, talking and laughing and changing out of their costumes. After everyone caught up with their families and got their flowers, and the audience had filtered out, the cast all sat on the stage, in disbelief that they’d actually put on the show successfully.

“Okay, you two, into the circle,” Louise instructed, and Phil briefly calculated how long it would take to run out of the auditorium and completely avoid this situation. 

“Do we have to?” he asked instead. 

“Yup- Cast party can’t start until you do,” Louise answered, and he looked to Dan who shrugged helplessly. 

“It’s really not that exciting you guys. It happened before the show started,” he told the rest of the cast, who all looked mildly shocked that it had taken so long. 

“Wait, so you didn’t hook up at the tech week party then?” Jimmy finally said, asking what everyone else had been thinking.

“What? No- did you all miss when I threw up everywhere? Not exactly the pinnacle of romance,” Dan pointed out, and everyone laughed. 

“Seriously, it’s all really new and I don’t want to mess it up by telling everyone about it immediately,” Phil said, which seemed to be the right thing because everyone seemed to let it go after that.

“Fair. Let’s go get drunk,” Dodie announced, standing up, and everyone cheered and stood up. 

* * *

 

Louise, ever the bartender, was filling up drinks left and right. Dan was very carefully nursing a drink she called “Totally Fucked” to avoid a repeat of the last party he’d been to. Phil was talking to Dodie and Amy, and they were all laughing. It was weird to think where they’d all started, and where they were now. That was the thing about being in a show- you became family. Phil caught him staring and grinned and waved him over. 

“Feeling okay?” Phil asked, draping an arm around him.

“Yup- I am staying far away from Louise’s cocktails,” Dan replied, and he laughed. 

“Oh, I love this song!” Dodie exclaimed, and Dan remembered that there were two other people standing here. 

“Do you, um… wanna dance maybe?” Amy asked, and Dodie nodded so quickly it was almost cartoonish. 

“Yeah! Yeah, let’s dance,” she said, and the two waved to them before walking off towards the living room where everyone was dancing.

“A new showmance already? We’re being upstaged,” Dan joked, and Phil laughed, taking his hand. 

“I don’t mind. Come on.” 

“Where are we going?” Dan asked, as they weaved their way through all of the insanely drunk theatre kids dancing in the living room.

“Uh- my room? If that’s okay,” Phil said, stopping by the stairs.

“That’s okay,” Dan replied, probably far too quickly, but Phil didn’t seem to notice. They sidestepped the couple making out on the stairs and headed down the hall. 

Once inside, they hovered by the door, unsure what to do next.

“This is awkward isn’t it?” Dan asked, huffing out a laugh.

“A little. Honestly I’m a little surprised we’ve made it this far,” Phil replied, laughing too. 

“You mean because I’ve been trying to tell you how I feel all week?” Dan asked, leaning against the door.

“Well, how do you feel?” Phil asked, smirking at him, and suddenly Dan found himself crowded against the door. 

“Right now? Hm… tipsy… happy the show went well…” Dan listed off, smirking back.

“Should I leave you to sit and bask in your happiness?” Phil asked, leaning in.

“Or… we could do something else,” Dan suggested, and Phil smiled into his kiss.

Their kisses turned from slow and sweet to heated and frantic, their hands wandering everywhere possible.

“We’re crushing my poster,” Phil pointed out after a few minutes, pulling away slightly.   
“Really? That’s what you’re worried about right now?” Dan asked, still breathless.

“Among other things,” Phil replied, walking backwards towards the bed. “You coming?” 

Dan didn’t have to be asked twice. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Reblog on tumblr](https://obsessive-fics.tumblr.com/post/176093639636/youre-gonna-be-my-wound-chapter-seventeen)


	18. For Good

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Monday! As always thank you all for being amazing and sticking around, your comments always make me day  
> Chapter title from Wicked because I am definitely running out of ideas for chapter titles...

“I can’t believe we just did that,” Dan laughed, looking up at the ceiling. “In front of all your posters too! Sarah Michelle Gellar saw us, Uma Thurman saw us- oh my God. oh my God.” 

“What?” Phil asked, watching as Dan laughed uncontrollably, both enamored and a little confused. 

“Uma Thurman just watched me have sex.”

They both burst into laughter, and Phil couldn’t remember the last time he’d felt this light- a mix of the alcohol, the post show adrenaline, and the person laying next to him. 

“I’m, like… Really happy right now,” he said aloud, turning to Dan, who gave him that smile that always managed to make him feel like he was floating. 

“Good. Me too,” he said softly.

“Hey, you two can’t stay in here all night, you know!” PJ called, walking in.

“Peej!” Phil exclaimed, scrambling to pull the covers over them, completely mortified.

“Oh! Sorry, didn’t think you’d be- probably should’ve known- I’m… I’m gonna go. Uh, congratulations?” PJ said, and then backed out and closed the door. 

“I am never gonna hear the end of this,” Phil groaned, throwing his arm over his face and Dan laughed.

“We should go back- I wanna dance with you and have it not end in throw up,” he said sitting up.

“I’m definitely gonna need another drink first,” Phil replied, sitting up too. Dan laughed and leaned over and kissed his temple.

“Come on, let’s get cleaned up.”

They rejoined the party, pouring themselves more drinks and watching everyone dance. Phil caught sight of Dodie and Amy making out in the corner, and he couldn’t help but feel a small sense of pride. He guessed they’d both upheld their ends of the pact. They leaned against the kitchen counter drinking and talking, leaning in close to hear each other over the music. 

“Okay I’m drunk,” Dan announced, putting his cup down on the counter.

“Me too. You’re so pretty,” Phil said, wrapping his arms around Dan and putting his head on his shoulder.

“You still up for a dance?” Dan asked, turning and smiling at him.

“I owe you one, don’t I?” Phil replied, smiling back. 

“You do,” Dan agreed, taking his hand and leading him towards the living room. 

They found an empty corner near the kitchen, and started to dance, slightly too slowly for the song that was playing, their arms around each other, their foreheads touching. There was a room full of people talking and laughing and dancing, but they’d all seemed to melt away. It was just him, and Dan, here in this moment together, drunk on cocktails and on each other. He was just starting to lean in when he heard a voice shouting over the music, shattering the moment.

“Alright, you two, break it up!” Louise called, walking over, just as the song changed to “Come On Eileen”, something much faster. 

“Yeah! Come dance with your friends,” PJ added dragging them to the middle of the room. They laughed and let themselves be pulled over, spending the rest of the party laughing and dancing with PJ and Louise. Phil couldn’t remember the last time he’d been this happy, and he couldn’t believe he owed it all to a spur of the moment decision to do something different this year. 

* * *

The show ran for the rest of the weekend, one more show on Friday and two shows Saturday and Sunday, before officially closing for the season. All in all it was a smooth run, people coming up to Dan and Louise after shows to tell them how much they enjoyed it. There were a few mishaps- quick changes not going quite as quickly as they should, props being forgotten backstage and then awkwardly brought out in the middle of the scene, and one very memorable case where Phil dropped the gun during his suicide scene and had to climb offstage to get it. But that was the thing with live theatre, you never knew what you were going to get. And even with all the mishaps, it was still amazing, and quite possibly Dan’s favorite of all the shows he’d been in.

The cast brought Ms. Jay out on stage to thank her with a bouquet and she cried and told them she never could have done it without such a wonderful, talented, and hardworking cast and crew. Then they all engulfed her in a huge group hug right there onstage. It had been a long and emotional night, and afterwards, leaning against the kitchen counter eating pancakes at 1AM with Louise, Phil, and PJ Dan wished they could go back and do it all again. Without theatre, it became increasingly harder to be happy here. Exams were coming up, he hadn’t been to most of his lectures in weeks, he was behind on almost off of his assignments, and without the show he didn’t really have an excuse to skip anymore. He recounted all of this to Dr.Hallowell at their session the next week, who remained suspiciously silent.  

“Um… Are you gonna say anything?” Dan asked after he felt like he’d been talking forever. 

“Dan… Theatre can’t be the only thing making you happy. It’s good to acknowledge what it’s done for you, but you can’t depend on it,” Dr.Hallowell said finally. 

“I don’t depend on it,” Dan said reflexively, but Dr. Hallowell just gave him a look. 

“You’ve said multiple times that you wouldn’t even be here if it wasn’t for theatre.”

“Well, yeah, but that’s not the worst thing is it?” Dan asked.

“No, but I’m worried about you. What happened to going on medication?” 

“Well… I may have googled the side effects and got kind of freaked out. Besides, I feel okay right now,” Dan pointed out, and Dr. Hallowell looked at him, unconvinced. 

“Depression is episodic, Dan. Just because you feel okay now doesn’t mean you should ignore how you were feeling before,” Dr. Hallowell told him, and he hated it when Dr.Hallowell was right about things. 

“I’m just… I’m scared,” he admitted finally. He’d looked at the psychiatrists’ information at least a hundred times, but every time he went to make the call, he just… Couldn’t. 

“It’s a scary step, but the only way to know if it’s the right step is to actually make the appointment,” Dr.Hallowell told him, making an infuriating amount of sense. 

“Okay,” he said finally, “I’ll go.” 

“I just want you to do what’s best for you. The last time we spoke you said you were miserable anytime you weren’t in rehearsal,” Dr.Hallowell continued. 

“I’m not always miserable. It’s been hard since the show closed, but I have Phil. And Louise. And PJ I guess,” Dan explained, shrugging. 

“It’s good to have a support system. Why has it been hard?” Dr.Hallowell asked, and he was really not getting out of this anytime soon. Or, anytime before his session ended. 

Dan sighed and braced himself for a brutal conversation. It’s the same conversation they always have- Dan explaining yet again that he hated law, Dr.Hallowell asking him why he didn’t pursue something else he knew would make him happy, and Dan just… not having an answer for that. It was like he didn’t even know what happy was anymore- sometimes he felt numb, and sometimes he felt like his whole world was ending, and sometimes he felt okay. But happy? That was  basically a four letter word at this point. Dan explained all of this, Dr.Hallowell was understanding, but challenging, and Dan contemplated just getting up and leaving this conversation all together several times. 

By the time he got out of his appointment, Dan was more than exhausted. He wanted to crawl into his bed and never get out of it, but he’d been seeing Dr.Hallowell enough to know he couldn’t. He could call Louise, but she was busy working on a really big class assignment, and she wasn’t “taking social calls” until it was turned in. Without really thinking about it, he wandered in the direction on Phil’s flat. 

“Hey, wait up!” a voice called, and Dan turned to see Phil walking towards him carrying a comically large stack of books. 

“Oh, hey. Do you need help with that?” Dan asked, taking a few books off the top of the pile. 

“Thanks- what’s wrong?” Phil wondered, his face falling once he caught sight of Dan’s expression. 

“Rough day,” Dan replied, shrugging and attempting to sound flippant. 

“You know what the perfect cure for a rough day is?” Phil asked, bumping their shoulders as they walked. 

“What?” Dan asked, smiling genuinely for the first time all day. 

“Disney movies. I have to analyze Wall-E for class, you in?” 

“Yes, definitely.” 

They walked the rest of the way in comfortable silence, and once they were inside, Phil went to go put his books away, and Dan wandered into the kitchen to try and find Phil's stash of microwave popcorn. 

“Did you break in?” PJ asked from where he was leaning against the counter eating leftover Chinese out of the container. 

“Uh, no, but I’m a little concerned you’re so calm about the prospect of that,” Dan replied, and PJ shrugged, completely unbothered. 

“Do you know where Phil keeps the popcorn?” Dan asked, looking around the kitchen. PJ reached up behind himself without really looking and pulled out a bag of microwave popcorn. 

“You do know if you hurt him I can and will murder you in several increasingly creative ways, right? We don’t have to have that conversation?” PJ said, holding it out to him. 

“Got it,” Dan replied, because really, what else could he say to that? PJ could be weirdly intimidating when he wanted to be. 

“Good,” PJ said, grinning, and patting him on the shoulder, before taking his food, presumably up to his room. Dan put the popcorn in the microwave and turned it on. 

“There you are,” Phil said, walking into the kitchen, and wrapping his arms around Dan from behind.

“Well, I remembered you can’t watch movies without popcorn, so I thought I’d make some,” Dan replied, leaning into his touch.

“You are officially the best boyfriend ever,” Phil said excitedly.

“Boyfriend?” Dan repeated, turning around.

“Oh, I… I just meant- are we not there yet?” Phil asked, turning a very endearing shade of red, and Dan couldn’t help but kiss him.

“No, we’re there. You’re gonna have to take me on a real date though.”

“Noted. Will you settle for a movie on the couch for tonight?” Phil asked, and he nodded. 

“For now.” 

They poured the popcorn into a bowl and settled onto the couch. 

“Do you want to talk about why you had a rough day?” Phil asked before starting the movie.

“Just a really intense therapy session,” Dan replied, waving it off. “I’m fine, really.” 

“You know, you don’t have to be fine. You can tell me when you’re not fine,” Phil said gently, placing a hand on his shoulder.

“I’m not fine. But I also don’t want to talk about it right now, is that okay?” Dan asked, turning to look at him.

“Of course. Do you wanna cuddle and watch this movie and not point it out if one of us cries?” Phil offered, and Dan nodded, already feeling a little teary. 

“That sounds perfect.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Reblog on tumblr](https://obsessive-fics.tumblr.com/post/176198078166/youre-gonna-be-my-wound-chapter-eighteen)


	19. Purpose

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Friday! As always, I am blown away by your support, and I hope you enjoy!  
> Chapter title from Avenue Q

Exam season had officially started, meaning the library was full, everyone was stressed, and Phil was sleeping less and less. He had this one project he just couldn’t figure out, and he kept falling asleep at his laptop. He was sitting in the campus cafe with Dodie trying to explain his problem, but she just looked completely lost. 

“You want me to write a song… For a short film you haven’t written yet?” she asked, confused. 

“You’re the only person I trust to do this, Dodie, please,” he pleaded, and she sighed. 

“Okay, fine. I’ll tell you what- get back to me by the end of the week with a solid concept, and I’ll write you a song,” she told him, and he jumped up to hug her.

“Thank you so much!”

“I know, I know, I’m the best,” Dodie replied, laughing and hugging him back. 

“Should I be jealous?” Amy asked, walking over. Dodie grinned, and jumped up to kiss her hello. 

“Uh, guys? I did actually call you here for a reason,” Phil broke in after Dodie and Amy kept standing there and kissing. 

“Sorry,” they giggled, breaking away, but Phil couldn’t even be annoyed when they looked that happy. Unsurprisingly, they sat down in the booth across from him completely on top of each other. 

“So what’s up?” Amy asked him. 

“Well, I was wondering if you guys could write a song for this short film I have to hand in for class,” Phil explained.

“What’s the film about?” Amy asked. 

“Well, that’s the thing… I don’t know yet,” Phil admitted, and Amy and Dodie shared a look.

“Don’t have telepathic conversations, I’m sitting right here,” he pointed out. 

“Sorry, sorry, but… Isn’t a little late to still not know what your film is about?” Amy asked, and Phil would be offended if she didn’t sound so genuinely concerned. 

“I will have a concept for you by the end of the week,” Phil promised. Dodie and Amy shared another look and then turned back to him. 

“Okay, I’m in,” Amy agreed, and Phil’s shoulders felt a little lighter. 

“Thanks, guys! I owe you big time.”

“Don’t mention it. Just make an amazing film,” Dodie replied, and he nodded quickly. He was going to make a film more than worthy of Dodie’s music, he just had to figure out how. 

After Dodie and Amy left, Phil opened up his laptop and just… Stared. This was it, the last assignment he’d ever have to do here. And it should’ve felt amazing- here was an assignment to do something he absolutely loved, and to show he had what it took to be in this business. But it didn’t feel amazing at all, it felt final. He missed the days before the show opened when he had somewhere to go everyday with people he grew to care about more than anything. Being in the show had given him such a sense of purpose, and it had brought him Dan. Now that it was over, he felt like that state of purpose had just completely evaporated. He should feel happy that this was almost over- no more lectures, no more assignments. But he didn’t feel like that at all. He was a film student, he was good at being a film student. What if he wasn’t good at whatever came after that? Phil sighed and slammed his laptop shut. He was never going to get anything done like this. He needed the largest, sugariest, coffee possible. And a change of scenery- he stood up to go order and texted PJ and Dan to see what they were up to. Louise was pretty adamant about only working alone, but maybe he’d get more work done in a group. 

\--- 

Dan so did not want to do this right now. Or ever. He was sat in the living room of Phil’s flat on the floor, Phil on the couch behind him. And he was supposed to be studying- instead he was playing games on his laptop while Phil got actual work done. Every time he opened up his books he just stared at the words until they all started to swim together. None of it made sense- it probably would’ve helped if he’d gone to more of his lectures, or paid any attention during the ones he had gone to. But as it was. 

“Can we take a break?” he asked, turning around.

“I’m pretty sure you’ve already taken several breaks,” Phil pointed out, not looking up from his laptop. Dan sighed, looking  back down at his books for a second, before getting an idea. He climbed up onto the couch, moved Phil’s laptop out of the way and kissed him deeply.

“Now can we take a break?”

“Okay, I guess a little break wouldn’t hurt,” Phil replied, pulling him down on top of him, and kissing back.

“Seriously guys? This is like the third time this week, I’m gonna ban you from hanging out in the living room,” PJ called, walking in.

“Sorry,” they laughed, pulling apart, but PJ just shook his head and continued towards the kitchen. 

“So, are you gonna tell me what’s really bothering you?” Phil asked, sitting up.

“I don’t want to do this,” Dan admitted, looking away. He didn’t want to talk about this at all, but he knew there was no more avoiding this particular conversation.

“Do what?” Phil asked, confused.

“Study, take my exams, any of it,” Dan exclaimed, throwing his hands up.

“It’ll be over soon. You’re just stressed right now, that’s all,” Phil replied, reaching for him, and he knew he was just trying to make him feel better, but it just made Dan feel suffocated.

“No, that’s not… You don’t get it,” Dan sighed, getting off of him, and sitting down on the couch.

“And I won’t unless you talk to me,” Phil said, but mercifully he didn’t attempt to move any closer. 

“It’s like… You have everything all figured out- you love film and you love being a film student and you’re gonna go off and be successful and happy and no matter what I do I’m gonna be miserable,” Dan explained as best he could. Everything felt like it was crashing down around him and he didn’t know what to do. Take his exams? Become a lawyer? Sit behind a desk miserably everyday so he didn’t get disappointed looks from his parents when he went home for Christmas? Or just… throw it all away? Would that make him happy, or was that just an impossible dream at this point? He thought about the prescription in his bag that he’d yet to fill- would that help at all or just leave him feeling numb?

“Hey, none of that’s true. Well, some of it’s true- I do love film, but that doesn’t mean I have everything figured out. I have almost nothing figured out, but I know one thing. You deserve to be happy. So if law is making you miserable, it’s not too late to take a different path,” Phil told him gently, breaking his train of thought.

“It certainly doesn’t feel that way. Like, what if I just quit? Just completely drop out and never come back here. Would I just be a huge disappointment?” Dan asked, voicing the concerns that had been plaguing him all term.

“Absolutely not. You’d never be a disappointment to me, but my opinion isn’t the one that matters here,” Phil replied emphatically.

“What, you mean my parents? Lately it feels like they’ll be disappointed no matter what,” Dan replied with a shrug. 

“We’ll… unpack that in a minute. But, no. Yours is the only opinion that matters here. You have to do what’s right for you,” Phil told him, risking putting his arm around him. 

“What if I don’t even know what that means anymore?” Dan asked, leaning into him. It was a scary thing, admitting where his head was at right now, but he knew he had to. 

“Well, isn’t your therapist always on you about actually utilizing your support system?” Phil asked, rubbing his arm.

“Well, yeah…” Dan answered reluctantly, wondering where this was all going when Phil gave him that perfect, reassuring smile that was reserved just for him.

“Then we’ll figure it out.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Reblog on tumblr](https://obsessive-fics.tumblr.com/post/176341424546/youre-gonna-be-my-wound-chapter-nineteen)


	20. Raise You Up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Monday! Sorry this chapter is so late, some life stuff came up (nothing tragic, just frustrating, because you know, life in your early 20s)  
> Chapter title from Kinky Boots

The idea for his short film finally came to Phil in a dream. He bolted upwards, startling Dan awake. 

“Where are you going? Come back to bed,” he said groggily. Phil laughed and leaned down to kiss his forehead.

“I’ll be right back, I promise. This can’t wait,” he explained, climbing out of bed and running down the hall.

“Peej! Open up, I just had the best idea,” he called, banging on the door.

“This idea better be brilliant if it’s worth waking me up in the middle of the night,” PJ grumbled, leaning in the doorway.

“It’s for our final project. Do you think you could do the drawings for me? I’ll do all the editing and animation,” Phil explained quickly. He could already see it in his head, and he was bouncing up and down with excitement. It was going to be perfect.

“I haven’t heard you this excited about a film in a long time. Alright, I’m in. What do you need me to draw?” PJ asked, looking significantly more awake. 

“You’re gonna love this,” Phil told him excitedly and then went on to explain his concept. A blue puzzle piece, bumbling around, not really fitting with any other of the puzzle pieces- they all want him to change his color, but he doesn’t know if that’s possible. He’s been blue for so long, he doesn’t even remember how to change colors. Until one day, he bumps into a red puzzle piece. They clash at first, until almost by accident, they come together and realize they’re a perfect fit. And then, the whole screen erupts into bright purple. Neither of them needed to change their colors, they just needed to come together.

“So, what do you think?” Phil asked after he’d finished explaining.

“It’s good.” 

“Worth waking you up in the middle of the night good?”

“Let’s not get ahead of ourselves. I’ll have the drawings to you in a few days,” PJ said, nodding resolutely. 

“I’ve gotta go text Dodie. Thanks, Peej,” Phil said hugging him excitedly. 

“Anytime,” PJ replied laughing and hugging back. “Now can I get back to sleep?” 

“Yeah. Yeah, sure. Good night.”

“Night,” PJ said, closing his door. 

“What was that about?” Dan asked when Phil came back into the room.

“I’ll tell you in the morning,” Phil promised, climbing back into bed.

“Hm, okay,” Dan answered, pulling him closer and going back to sleep almost immediately. Phil smiled and pulled the covers over them, falling back asleep as well.

* * *

 

Phil was pacing nervously outside of his professor’s office. His short film for his final assignment had turned out perfectly, with beautiful drawings from PJ and an amazing song by Dodie and Amy, and he was more than proud of it. But after he’d handed it in, he’d been asked to drop by during office hours, and he was terrified he’d failed completely. 

“You didn’t fail,” Dan said from where he was sitting on the floor, watching him pace. 

“How do you know? What if there was a guideline I didn’t follow? Or a requirement I missed? This is everything to me, what if-” 

The door to the office opened, interrupting him. 

“Sorry, I had to take a call. Would your friend like to join you?” his professor asked, leaning in the doorway.

“That’s okay, I’m good out here,” Dan said, opening up his laptop.

“You sure?” Phil asked, hovering in the doorway. 

“You’re gonna be fine, go. I’ll be right here,” Dan replied, waving him off. There was no putting this off, he had to go in. He followed his professor inside and closed the door behind him. 

“Sit down,” she instructed, sitting down at her desk.

“If this is about my assignment, I can redo it,” Phil said quickly, but she waved him off.

“Redo it? Why would you do that, it was brilliant,” his professor replied, and for a minute Phil just sat there. Stunned. 

“Wait, what?” he finally asked when he remembered that it wasn’t really socially acceptable to sit and stare at someone like that. 

“It was excellent work, especially for someone so young. I sent it to a friend of mine that works at a production company in London- they’ve been looking for new talent,” she explained, handing him a folder with the company’s name on it.

“By new talent, you… You mean me right?” Phil asked, still in shock. Was this really happening right now?

“Yes, I mean you. They were very impressed with it, and there’s an internship position available this summer if you’re interested.”

“Yes, definitely, I am very interested,” Phil replied quickly, and she laughed. 

“Alright, perfect. I’ll have them call you to set up a meeting.” 

* * *

“I take it you didn’t fail then,” Dan said, smiling up at him when Phil practically ran out of the room.

“Not only did I not fail, I just got the best opportunity. You’re not even gonna believe this,” Phil said, bouncing excitedly.

“Tell me over coffee? This paper is giving me a headache only caffeine will fix,” Dan replied, standing up. 

“You’ve been writing this whole time?” Phil asked, taking his hand as they walked.

“Don’t sound so shocked! Maybe the meds are making me productive, what can I say?” Dan replied, bumping their shoulders together. 

“How are you feeling?” Phil asked seriously. Dan had started taking antidepressants after they’d had a really long, intense conversation, and he’d finally decided to actually go fill his prescription. But, as with all medications, there had been an adjustment period.

“Okay. Most of the side effects have stopped- no more nausea, or dizziness. And I feel calm, but not like, numb, you know?” Dan explained, and Phil nodded. 

“Good, I’m glad,” he replied, squeezing his hand. It was hard for him to fully understand what Dan was going through, but he knew it was hard, and he was trying his best to be supportive without being overbearing. Dan nodded, but was mostly quiet the rest of the walk to Starbucks. It wasn’t until they were standing in line waiting to order that he spoke up again.

“Why so quiet?” Phil asked once they were settled into their booth in the corner. 

“Huh? Oh, sorry, just… thinking. What’s the big news?” Dan asked, and it felt suspiciously like changing the subject, but Phil had learned that it was best to just wait until he was ready to talk. 

“Well… I got an internship,” Phil started, looking down into his mug. Now that the initial excitement had worn off, he found himself faced with doubt and uncertainty. What if he couldn’t do this?

“That’s great! Isn’t that great? You don’t seem too excited,” Dan replied, giving him a concerned look.

“I don’t know, I just… what if I’m not any good?” Phil asked, looking up for the first time since they’d sat down. Dan didn’t say anything for a moment, just stood up and squeezed into the booth next to him. 

“You’re gonna be amazing. This is your dream- and they wouldn’t have hired you if they didn’t think you could do it.” 

“Thanks- I just get so worried about what comes after this, you know? I wish I could just stay in school forever,” Phil told him, and he had to admit, it felt good to let someone else in on his fears. It was all he’d been thinking about for months, but whenever he thought about bringing it up to someone, they always seemed to start gushing about how excited they were for what was to come. And he knew PJ would try to understand, but he didn’t want him to try and diminish his excitement to make him feel better. 

“Well, I don’t understand that at all. But the real world’s not so bad. And I probably won’t be much help, but I’ll always be there to try,” Dan promised, and Phil didn’t think he’d ever been this overcome by affection for a person. He didn’t know what to say at all, so instead he just kissed him.

“You’re amazing, you know that?” he asked after they’d pulled away.

“I’ve been told once or twice,” Dan teased, smiling at him.

“Shut up,” he laughed. “Now go back to your side of the booth so I can finish my coffee before it gets cold.”

“As you wish.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Reblog on tumblr](https://obsessive-fics.tumblr.com/post/176456143586/youre-gonna-be-my-wound-chapter-twenty)


	21. Work This Out

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone, happy Friday! Thank you all for reading, for commenting, and just generally being wonderful- Hope you enjoy this chapter, it certainly gave me a hard time coming to life  
> Chapter title from High School Musical 2 because I couldn't resist

“That’s it. I’m not doing it,” Dan declared, shaking his head and standing up.

“Doing what?” Phil asked, looking up at him, confused.

“Taking this exam. I’m done, I can’t do this anymore,” Dan told him, pacing the length of the living room. He could feel Phil’s worried expression following him, but he tried not to focus on it.

“It’s your last one, though, and then it’ll be over,” he said, and logically Dan knew he was trying to be helpful, but he didn’t feel reassured at all.

“No, it won’t be over. There’s this one, and then there are all of the ones next year. They never stop,” Dan argued, and Phil reached out to take his hand to keep him from pacing.

“Talk to me.”

“I hate this,” Dan sighed, flopping down on the couch.

“So you’ve said. What’s really going on?”

“I can’t stop thinking about next year, and how you’re gonna be gone and I’m gonna be here alone and it’s gonna suck more than ever,” he explained, shrugging. It wasn’t the only thing on his mind, but it seemed the safest place to start.

“Louise will still be here. And besides, you were doing just fine before we met,” Phil pointed out softly, and he shook his head.

“Hardly. And it’s not just that.”

“What else is it then? I can’t help if you don’t talk to me,” Phil said, giving him a worried look that just made him feel even worse.

“I know, I’m sorry,” Dan answered, curling in on himself. He hated this, hated that he was still feeling like this and that he was worrying the person he cared about more than anything.

“Don’t be. What’s wrong?”

“I can’t see it.”

“See what?”

“My life. After this. I always thought… It doesn’t matter. But now I’m here and life keeps going on and I’m supposed to keep going with it and I don’t know what to do,” Dan tried to explain, but Phil just looked even more worried.

“Maybe you should talk to Dr. Hallowell about this,” he said finally.

“Because I’m a basket case?”

“Of course not. I just feel like he’d be more help in this situation. I’ll always be here for you, but I’m not exactly a professional.”

“You’re right. I’ll email him in the morning,” Dan agreed. Talking to Dr. Hallowell could be exhausting, but in the long run it always helped.  

“In the meantime… Would a distraction help?” Phil asked, turning so he was facing him.

“Yes, definitely,” Dan replied, leaning in.

“Look at this video of a dog I found! He fell down into the snow,” Phil said, holding up his phone excitedly.

“This is not what I thought you meant by distraction,” Dan said, looking down at the video and laughing.

“Oh… What’d you think I meant?” Phil asked, confused, before realization flashed across his face. “Oh! Well, we could do that too. Not in here though, PJ is still very mad about last time.”

“I love you,” Dan blurted out without thinking.

“Wow,” Phil said, blinking at him in surprise.

“Too soon?” Dan started to ask, but Phil kissed him, cutting him off.

“No, definitely not. I love you too,” he replied, resting their foreheads together.

“Good,” Dan said laughing. “Now, that distraction you promised?”

* * *

“I was surprised to hear from you last night, is everything okay?” Dr. Hallowell asked the next day once they were settled in in his office.

“Yes. No… Kinda? It’s really just this one thing,” Dan rambled, looking down and tugging on his sleeve.

“And that thing is…?”

“I just… I didn’t think I’d make it this far, you know? And now everyday that I do, I feel lost, like I don’t know where to go next,” Dan told him, still avoiding eye contact.

“Dan. Are you okay? Sometimes antidepressants can have negative side effects,” Dr, Hallowell asked seriously.

“I’m fine, I promise. That’s the thing- I’m doing so well now in every other area of life, but whenever I think about anything school related, I still… Well, you know.”

“Well… University isn’t for everyone,” Dr. Hallowell replied carefully.

“So, you think I should drop out?” Dan asked, looking up for the first time since he got there. Everything would be so much easier if someone just sat him down and went _this is what you’re supposed to do, this is what will make you happy._

“I think you should do what’s best for you. You know I’m not gonna tell you what to do,” Dr. Hallowell said because life couldn’t be that easy.

“What if I do and then everything goes wrong? Oh my God, what if I end up homeless?” Dan asked, suddenly panicked. He hadn’t even thought of that. He knew this wasn’t what he wanted, but he didn’t have a backup plan. He needed a backup plan.

“You’re not gonna end up homeless,” Dr. Hallowell said, snapping him out of his internal downward spiral.

“How do you know?”

“Because you have people in your life that love you and would never let that happen.”

“Yeah, I guess that’s true… What if this is the wrong decision though?”

“You can always reapply and come back. Nothing about this decision is permanent,” Dr. Hallowell reminded him gently, and he nodded. If the alternative- whatever that was, ended up going completely wrong, there was nothing that said he couldn’t come back.

“Okay. Okay, I think I’m gonna do it.”

“Do me a favor though? Don’t skip your exams,” Dr. Hallowell said, and there was something funny about him knowing him well enough to know that was a definite possibility. Dan had skipped more than a few exams in the past.

“I won’t,” he promised, and for the first time in a long time he meant it.

* * *

It was the night before graduation, and Dan, Phil, PJ, and Louise were sat in the living room in PJ and Phil’s flat arguing over which movie to watch.

“It’s a time honored tradition. We always watch _High School Musical 2_ the last day of school,” Louise was saying, but PJ was having none of it.

“I am not about to watch _High School Musical 2_ . If we’re gonna watch an end of school movie it has to be _Ferris Bueller’s Day Off,_ ” PJ argued.

“Just because it’s older doesn’t mean it’s better,” Louise said, which was definitely the wrong thing to say, because PJ looked like he’d just been short circuited.

“Are you seriously suggesting a Disney channel movie is in any way comparable to a John Hughes movie? John Hughes!”

“Should we stop this?” Dan asked with his chin rested on Phil's shoulder and arms wrapped around his waist. Phil shrugged. He was kind of enjoying watching PJ and Louise bicker. It reminded him of him and his brother fighting over what game to play when they were kids.

“I mean, do we have to? It’s pretty funny,” he said, watching as PJ listed every movie John Hughes ever directed and everything good about them.

“Yeah, but you’ve never seen Louise in action. This could get bad,” Dan answered as Louise started listing _High School Musical_ songs.

“You underestimate PJ’s stubbornness and love of 80s movies,” Phil said laughing.

“We’re standing right here, you know,” PJ and Louise said, turning to them.

“Uh oh. They’ve found a common enemy,” Dan stage whispered to him and Phil laughed.

“Will this force them into a compromise?”

“You two are gross,” PJ said, shaking his head.

“I think you’re sweet. But I do agree there should be minimum PDA during group hangs,” Louise added, giving them a look.

“What PDA?” Phil asked, feigning innocence. “I sit on all my friends laps. Right, Peej?”

“That was one time!”

“Should I be jealous?” Dan asked, sounding more amused than anything else.

“Not at all,” Phil replied kissing him.

“Ahem! What did I just say about PDA? Back to the important thing. Dan, tell PJ how we’ve watched _High School Musical 2_ together every summer since it came out,” Louise broke in.

“Guys, why don’t we just watch a movie we all like,” Dan suggested, prompting Louise and PJ to start in on how the other had terrible taste in movies.

“Well, what about _Grease_ ? Everyone likes _Grease,_ right?” Phil asked when it became clear PJ and Louise were never going to agree on this.

“I could watch _Grease,”_ PJ conceded at the same time Louise went, “I love _Grease._ ”

“Perfect! I’ll go make the popcorn,” Phil said, standing up. By the time he came back with it they’d already started the movie and PJ and Louise were dramatically reciting Danny and Sandy’s lines to each other. Dan caught his eye and they shook their heads fondly at their friends being so ridiculous.

“Phil, come on, we need another voice for _Summer Nights,”_ Louise said when she noticed him standing there, and he went back to his spot on the couch.

“I’m gonna miss this so much,” he said after they’d finished the song.

“It doesn’t have to end just because you guys are graduating, right? We can all still hangout,” Louise asked worriedly, and PJ nodded.

“We’re gonna spend so much time at your flat you’ll wish we just disappeared after graduation,” he promised, and she smiled, looking relieved.

“Good. Cause I love you guys.”

“Sap,” Dan teased and Louise threw a pillow at him.

“Okay okay, I love you too,” he said laughing and ducking out of the way, and Phil loved everyone in that room so much at that moment he could barely contain it. It was hard to tell where their paths were going to go from there, but he knew he wanted everyone in that room in his life forever.

“You okay?” Dan asked, squeezing his hand.

“Just happy,” Phil said nodding, and Dan smiled at him.

“Good. Me too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Reblog on tumblr](https://obsessive-fics.tumblr.com/post/176590567636/youre-gonna-be-my-wound-chapter-twenty-one)


	22. Ever After

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi again! (I am so so sorry, this took so long)  
> Title from Into the Woods

“Okay, let’s take it from the top of the scene. Again,” Dan instructed the scared looking group of first years. Between his day job at ASDA and helping tutor some of Ms. Jay’s more… restrained drama students, he was finding every way to keep busy. If he wasn’t actively doing something it just set him on crisis mode- what was he doing? Was it all a big mistake? Had his dad been right all along? It was a serious mindfuck. And besides, he didn’t mind helping out Ms.Jay. It kept him doing what he loved, even if he was learning not to be wholly dependent on that. 

“Dan, can I see you over here for a second?” Ms. Jay asked, which  _ thank God.  _ How hard was it to do  _ “Your Fault?” _

“Keep going, guys,” he told the group still struggling on stage before walking over to Ms. Jay. 

“It’s a work in progress, but I know they can do it,” he started to say, but she waved him off. 

“I’m not concerned about that. I wanted to give you this,” she replied, handing him a flyer. He read over it and saw that they were holding auditions for a production of  _ Les Miserables _ on the West End. 

“You should audition! You’d be amazing in any role in that show,” Ms. Jay said excitedly. 

“I don’t know, Ms. Jay. The West End is, well… the West End. I’d probably have to sell my soul to even get an ensemble part,” Dan replied unsurely, looking down at the flyer. 

“Daniel. Listen to me,” Ms.Jay said, suddenly very serious. “I don’t cast just anyone in my shows. Are you telling me I shouldn’t have been giving you lead roles?” 

“No, of course not. I love performing here,” Dan said quickly. The last thing he wanted was Ms.Jay to start doubting him. He looked up to her more than anyone.

“If you can handle being a lead in several of my productions, you can handle a West End audition. The worst thing they can do is tell you no.”

“... Okay. Okay, I’ll audition,” Dan agreed. He was pretty sure he wouldn’t get cast, but he’d never know if he didn’t actually try. Ms.Jay clapped excitedly. 

“You’re going to be astonishing. Now fix this horrid attempt at a four part harmony.” 

“Already on it,” Dan said, heading back towards the stage. They had a long afternoon ahead of them. 

* * *

After rehearsal, Dan headed to Phil’s flat. Going back home after leaving school had left his relationship with his parents strenuous at best, and most nights he just avoided going back there at all. When he was close enough he called Phil to let him inside.

“This is getting ridiculous,” Phil finally said after he’d poured them both mugs of hot chocolate. 

“Am I spending too much time here? I can go home,” Dan said, already starting to walk towards the door. 

“Dan, this is your home. I don’t mind that you spend all your time here. What’s ridiculous is that you still haven’t moved in,” Phil explained, taking his hand to stop him.

“I didn’t think that you wanted that,” Dan admitted softly.

“Why wouldn’t I want that?” Phil asked, sounding genuinely surprised. 

“I don’t know, you just… you never asked, and I didn’t want to assume- what are you doing?” Dan asked, watching as Phil got down on one knee. 

“I love you and I love spending time with you. You’re my best friend and I’m  _ asking you,  _ please move in with me.” 

“Okay okay. Just get off the floor,” Dan replied laughing. Phil jumped up and hugged him excitedly.

“It’ll be great, I promise.” 

“Yeah, well, someone should be around to make sure you don’t impale yourself,” Dan replied, reaching over him to close the cupboard door he’d nearly hit his head on when he jumped up. 

* * *

Auditions were terrifying. Dan couldn’t remember the last time he’d been this nervous for an audition. He’d made it to the second round, but he was still up against really, really talented actors. It could go either way at this point, which was the hardest part- he was  _ so close. _

Having Phil, Louise, PJ, and Dodie all there somehow was both helping and making it worse. He was more than glad for the support, but if he didn’t get a part, he’d be letting them all down. 

“How’re you feeling?” Phil whispered, looking over at him.

“Like this was a terrible idea?” he whispered back. 

“Hey, it’s gonna be okay. No matter what happens, I’m already so, so proud of you,” Phil told him, taking his hand. Dan didn’t trust himself to speak, so he just squeezed his hand. 

After what felt like an eternity, Dan’s name was called. He jumped up, and thanked everyone telling him to break a leg. 

“Remember, it’s just us, sitting around the kitchen table, like always,” Phil said softly, and up until that moment Dan hadn’t even realized it was possible to love someone this much. He nodded and let himself be led into the audition room.

* * *

“Do these things always take this long?” Phil asked, getting up to start pacing back and forth.

“Phil, he’s been gone for two minutes,” Louise pointed out gently.

“I’m sorry, I’m just...” 

“Nervous?” Louise supplied, reaching out to stop him from pacing anymore. 

“Yeah,” Phil sighed, sitting down next to her. “He’s gonna be so crushed if he doesn’t get it.” 

“Well then it’s a good thing he has you to make him feel better now, isn’t it?” Louise replied, nudging his shoulder with hers. “Besides, let’s not think about that now. He’s in there, killing this audition,” Dodie said, squeezing his arm comfortingly. 

Eventually, they tired of waiting and decided it was time to do something to distract themselves while they waited. They were in the middle of an increasingly heated game of Hangman when Dan walked in. 

“So?” Louise asked, her tone completely neutral. They’d been rehearsing their reactions for good or bad news, and they’d decided it was best not to sound  _ too  _ hopeful so Dan wouldn’t feel pressured to sugar coat it if he was upset or disappointed with the outcome. 

“So… I got a part! Kind of- I’m in the ensemble for most shows, but I’m an understudy, so during matinees or if anything happens, I’ll be going on as Enjolras,” Dan told them excitedly. 

“That sounds like a leading role to me!” Louise squealed excitedly, and they all enveloped him into a giant group hug. 

“I love you guys, but… personal space please?” Dan asked, laughing. 

“Sorry,” they laughed, pulling away. 

“You can stay,” Dan said, pulling Phil back. Phil laughed and kissed him.

“I’m so proud of you,” he said, pulling away.  

“This calls for a celebration,” Dodie announced, interrupting their moment. 

“Pizza? I’m starving,” Dan suggested, and everyone agreed. Later, after they were all stuffed, they sat around and talking about all the things there was cause for celebration for… Dan getting a role, Dodie recording her first EP, PJ being hired by a professional animation studio, and Phil’s internship turning into a full time job. 

They’d all taken such big steps, finishing university in one way or another, and it had been scary, not knowing what was going to happen next. But there was no one Phil would rather go through all of this with than the people sitting around him right now, and not for the first time, he was more than grateful that he let PJ talk him into auditioning for a musical completely on a whim. They’d been looking for something different to try, and somehow they’d stumbled on their very own little family. 

“What’re you thinking about?” Dan asked, breaking his train of thought.

“How much I love you guys,” Phil answered, turning toward him.

“Nerd,” Dan said, nudging him with his shoulder, and Phil wondered if it was possible to burst with happiness. 

* * *

_ One Year Later _

“Okay, I’ve gotta be at the theatre soon, but I wanted to say hi to you guys before I left- it’s my first show taking over as Enjolras, so that’s exciting,” Dan told everyone watching. He had some time to kill, so he figured a liveshow couldn’t hurt. It was still surreal to him that people actually wanted to sit and listen to him talk, but if the amounts of comments coming in right now were any indication, there was no use doubting it. 

“Shay wants to know if I’m coming out at the stage door tonight. Definitely! I try to come out after every show- I love meeting you guys, it makes everything feel more real, you know? Like you’re all individual people and not just a blob of noise every night.”

“Alex says they want to be an actor, but they don’t want to get their hopes up, any advice? Hm… I’m probably the least qualified person to give advice on anything, but I would say, just go for it. Don’t worry about what other people are saying you should or shouldn’t do, just keep auditioning, keep taking whatever opportunities pop up. Eventually you’ll get to the place you’re meant to be,” Dan answered, shrugging. It wasn’t anything earth shattering, but he was still so new to all of this, and it could be gone any moment. If he thought about what was going to happen after his contract on this show was up, it was instant crisis mode- he was about to change the subject when there was a loud crash in the other room. 

“I’m okay!” Phil called, followed by another crash. “Everything’s fine!”

“Did you break anything?” Dan called back, looking away from his laptop. When he looked back, there was a barrage of messages asking who he was talking to. 

“Oh, that was just my incredibly clumsy fiancee. He’s been trying to build a bookshelf for our dvd collection,” Dan explained, waving it off, but he was already being met with a string of “can we see him?” over and over again. 

“Sure, let’s go inspect the damage,” Dan said, picking up his laptop and walking into the living room. Phil was sitting on the floor, a shelf and a huge pile of dvds, surrounding him. 

“Hey,” he said smiling up at him sheepishly, his glasses slightly crooked, and Dan was so completely, hopelessly endeared. 

“I told you we should’ve just hired someone,” he said, sitting down next to him. “Say hi to everyone.” 

“Oh- hi guys! Sorry, I didn’t realize you were doing a live show,” Phil said, waving to the camera apologetically. 

“That’s okay, I wasn’t gonna be on much longer anyway,” Dan said, turning to him.

They answered questions for a few more minutes, and then Dan announced that it was time for him to head to the theatre. He thanked everyone for all the “break a leg!”s and well wishes and ended the stream.

“So, about the bookshelf-” Dan started, but Phil clapped a hand over his mouth. 

“Don’t even say it. I said I’d build the bookshelf, I’m gonna build the bookshelf.” 

“Whatever you say. Will I see you at the stagedoor tonight?” 

“Always. Now go before you’re late again.” 

* * *

Phil didn’t go to every one of Dan’s performances- he loved watching him, but he did actually have to work. But it was Dan’s first show taking over as a principal cast member, and he wouldn’t miss it for the world. The audience was always packed- school trips, family outings, and he could usually count on there being a standing ovation. He stopped at the train station and bought a bouquet before heading to the theatre.

The show went perfectly, as usual. No one forgot their lines or missed their cues- which you wouldn’t think would ever happen, but live theatre was live theatre, even the west end had its mishaps. During curtain call, Phil jumped up and cheered louder than anyone, and afterward he followed the crowd out to the stagedoor. He said hi to the other actors that came out and watched them sign playbills for excited fans. 

“You didn’t have to bring flowers,” Dan said when he saw him, walking over and taking them.

“I know. But I like seeing the look on your face when I do.” 

“Shut up,” Dan replied, burying his face in the bouquet. “I’m gonna go sign. Jake will let you in.” 

Phil nodded and followed the security guard upstairs into Dan’s dressing room. Dan came back up a few minutes later, his left hand covered in Sharpie ink. 

“I love doing that, but my hand is so cramped now,” he said, wiping his hands down. 

“Well on the brightside, you just made so many people’s nights,” Phil pointed out as Dan sat down next to him.

“I know- how weird is that? Like, I never could’ve imagined I’d be the one people were lined up to see,” Dan replied, looking over at him.

“I knew you’d be,” Phil said softly, leaning in. 

“You have to say that, you’re marrying me,” Dan teased, smiling and kissing him.

“I am, aren’t I?” Phil said pulling away slightly, unable to keep the grin from spreading across his face.

“You'd better be.” Phil laughed, kissing him again. 

“Come on, let’s go home.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well here we are, the end! Thank you all reading, and for commenting (and being patient when I completely disappeared). I set out to prove to myself that I could actually finish a multichaptered fic, and I did it! And that wouldn't have been possible at all without everyone's amazingly kind and supportive words. So, thank you again, and I hope I didn't disappoint- [Feel free to come say hi!](https://obsessive-fics.tumblr.com/)
> 
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> [Reblog on tumblr](https://obsessive-fics.tumblr.com/post/177465761931/youre-gonna-be-my-wound-chapter-twenty-two)

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! I hope you enjoyed, and if so, let me know!


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